Hear my Last Words

Continuation

I turned to the back of the page..

---------------

I can remember clearly when the priest in our retreat spoke to me..

"Listen child, you have to forgive people who have hurted you in the past. Don't let that pain linger in your heart forever. Set them free. It may be difficult but you'll realize that the burden you bear will become lighter when you overcome it. God has a purpose. You may not see it now but sooner you will. Trust Him."

I believe in God.

I do.

And at that moment I chose to follow our priest..

I forgive you.

I did that because I know I just have to believe in Jesus.

I told myself that it would be the last time that I'll blame you for everything.

I was then happy at that moment.

I felt a little calm in my heart.

A light was starting to grow from the darkness.

.
.

I tried to remember something of our memory..

But there is nothing to recall on..

I realized that I only hold on to that one thing I know about you.

Your name. You are Jimmy Cortez.

I saw myself when I was searching the facebook and google for a person named Jimmy Cortez.

If only I could see your face..

I even got affected whenever I hear a name Jimmy.

From that moment on, I started to gain Hope.

I come to think that maybe someday we'll cross our paths.

Maybe then when I see you in person, I could say..

I Forgive you.

And I could ask you everything I want to know, to have answers..

.
.

15th of October

Dad...

Guess what happened to me today.. Mom would not allow me to attend our College Night.

She said she's just worried for what might happen to me when I go home.. Beacuse no one will fetch me.

Oh how I envy my friends... They have a father with them while me.. I have no one.

It is all because of you that I have to suffer like this. I just want a normal life like others. .So why can't I have one??

Why do I have to bear this? Why is it so unfair?!?

I hate this life!! I hate this! Maybe I should just die!! Why?!?!?

.
.
.

So I guess I haven't really forgiven you yet.

That light in the dark starts to faint..

My hope starts to vanish..

My hatred for you began to grow again.

It pushed me to hurt myself and put all the blame in you.

It was all unreal. Hate is all I feel for you.

Then I remember..

When I found out everything you did to Mom when I was still an infant.

How you threaten her with your deadly words.

How you belittled her and crushed her spirit..

When all she ever did was to fight for our family because she loves us too much.

When she saw you hurting me,

slapping me on my thigh, beacuse you can't stop me from crying..

You continued on full of anger, leaving bruises on my baby skin..

holding me upside down like I'm not even your daughter.

Now I ask you, How can a father do that to his own child??

You were not even human. You acted like a monster.

And Mom was my savior, who pushed you away to leave.

She stabbed your back with a knife so that you could no longer fight back at her.

And there you were, running off. Someone who never looked back.

Someone who didn't came back to ask for forgiveness.

It was all you. I promise this will be the last time that I'll write about you.

This is your story, Father. Aren't you proud??