Nobody Told Me I Was Alone

Sea Of Cowards

Alexander Delacroix Black (LeStrange)

After the classes ended I made my way to Ophelia's room, I wasn't sure what I would do once we spoke , I wanted to talk to her earlier before class but with everything going on I didn't want to add more to her plate. 

But seeing her with him, alone when we got there it took all I had and more not to lose it then

How could such a betrayal make my insides burn with hate and heartbreak

To know my brother had what I wanted since the day Ophelia and I met, to see her intimately and to feel the touch of her lips before I had.. it tore at my insides making me feel nauseated.

I had hope I hurt him this morning, to cause an ounce of what I felt would never be enough.. to sit there and know what he did , what he had done .  I was foolish.

Ophelia wasn't innocent in the matter either , she played her part and she couldn't have thought this would never come to light she was to bright to think such childish things.. I didn't know what our next interaction would be, I knew my love for her was boundless and that I'd want to work things out .. I didn't want to lose her. I loved her.

I made it to her room and I lifted my hand up to knock, I sat almost frozen for a half a second .. dread filling my lungs

But before I knew it my hand was tapping at her door..

" Who is it?" Sicily asked through the closed door

Fuck, I had hoped she'd be here alone so this would be easier to say.. I was a coward drowning at sea and I prayed for something to come along so I could grab for dear life.

" Alex. " I replied , through gritted teeth

" Come on in Alex.." Ophelia replied

I twisted the doorknob and it creaked open with a slight push , the inside air was filled with the scent of pumpkin and linen, almost bringing me into a trance

" Hey love." I smiled a half smile , my eyes feeling as heavy as my stomach within the moment

" Hey dear, are you okay? You look sick" Ophelia stood up walking to me

" I.. we.. need to talk. Alone if you don't mind?" I stepped back stuttering on my words, I wanted her to touch me but my skin was feeling as if it was on fire.. the thought of her touching Jude in the same way, flashed into my mind and I felt dizzy for a second

" Um, yeah Sicily I'll be back.." she looked back smiling at her

" Okay, well I'll be here when you get back.. please be safe? It's awfully nasty outside " Sicily looked at me with sad eyes, nodding along to her response to Ophelia

Could she have known what had transpired between Jude and I , that I knew of what Ophelia and Jude had done, and what was to come next..

Could Ophelia know of what was to come and that's why she offered to leave to talk without hesitation?

" Of course , I love you sissy." She turned around and tried to grab my hand , I reluctant at first let her hold it.

How could I plan to be with her after this if I was having such I hard time letting her touch me..

" Let's go , shall we.." we walked out the door and Sicily closed it behind me, we walked along the corridor through the commons there Sat  Draco and he was laughing with Lucille and her friends, Evan was writing something engaging here and there but not seeing to pay to much attention to what was really being said.. I wondered where Jude was instinctively shaking the thought from my head