Eren's Tainted Rose

ch. seventeen

I held the book to my chest tightly, my knuckles turning white from the grip I had on it. My legs felt as if they were going to buckle any second from how fast I was running.

"Armin!" I whispered loudly as I reached his door, knocking. In a quick second, he opened it, his ocean blue eyes wide with concern.

"Y/N," he gasped, "Are you okay?"

I walked past him and into his room. I heard the door shut behind me, and I turned to look at him, holding the book up. "Do you know what this is?"

Armin narrowed his eyes, inspecting it. "No, should I?"

"Come here."

He walked over to me, grabbing my wrist and pulling me to a chair, sitting me down. He sat across from me, and grabbed my hand comfortingly. "Please just tell me if you're okay."

"I'm fine Armin, just look," I pleaded. He held eye contact with me a second longer before nodding, his focus going to the book.

I opened it, flipping through pages. "It's letters, Armin. From when we were ten all the way until recently," I glanced up at him. "Eren gave it to me. These are hand written letters about everything that's happened since then. It's the truth, it's literally everything I've ever wanted to hear come out of his mouth."

Armin's mouth widened in shock. I saw how he seemed to be taking in this information, and he finally looked up at me. "Not even I knew he was writing letters. I didn't know he was even planning to give anything to you. He... he didn't tell me anything."

I chewed on my lip, and flipped to a specific letter, pushing it into his hands. "Read it," I whispered, my heart hammering. He gave me a look, almost as if he was asking for permission to actually read it. I nodded, and he finally began reading.

. . .

Rose,

I made the greatest mistake of my life letting you go. Part of me keeps telling myself it was for the best, but I know it wasn't. I'm not sure if I should try to fix things, though. What if you don't want me back in your life? Maybe you've finally accepted that I'm not coming back. I can't just randomly try to walk back into your life after all of these years. You don't deserve that. You deserve peace and I know I probably can't give that to you.

I hope one day I man up and explain everything to you. I hope I'm not too late.

. . .

"Y/N," Armin looked up at me. His face turned into panic as he saw the tears falling down my face. He set the book aside, pulling me into his arms. "I tried telling you it isn't what you think. I didn't know about the letters but I did know about his love for you. I'm so sorry he thought this was for the best. I tried telling him so many times. I won't say much because you deserve to hear it from him, but I'm just so sorry for his actions."

"What's he like now, Armin? Behind his angry facade, is he still the Eren I remember"

Armin rubbed my back soothingly, "Part of him will always be the Eren we grew up with. But he's also grown up and matured in many ways. There's times I have no idea what he's thinking. There's times he's more distant than he's ever been. He still has this anger bottled up inside of him. But... ever since he almost died, he's been different. Nicer. More open and kind. He even talks about you more than he used to. There's some things that are the same, and some are different. He's still our determined Eren. But of course he's changed, we all have, Y/N. It's up to you, but I think you should try to take the time to get to know the new version of him."

Part of me was relieved he was somewhat the same. "I forgive him, but I feel like I shouldn't this fast," I sniffled.

Armin pulled back, looking me in the eyes, and used the sleeve of his cardigan to wipe a tear from my face, "You love him. Even after all these years. You're so kind for loving him despite everything he did to you. And you're extraordinary for being able to forgive him. But make him work for it, at least a little bit. Part of me will always be angry for how he treated you, and I know you're angry as well. Tell him exactly how you feel. Don't hold back. If you need to hurt his feelings, do it. But you both have wanted each other back for so long. Don't let go."

I released a big exhale, nodding. "Thank you Armin. Can I stay with you longer while I read these?"

"Of course, Y/N. I love you, okay? I'll always be here for you. I'm so sorry I allowed Eren to cause me to be distant with you."

"I love you more," I smiled, my voice cracking. "It's okay. I'm not upset with you. Thank you so much for everything."

"No need to thank me. I'm not going anywhere. You'll always be my best friend, no matter what."

. . .

I peeled my eyes open, looking around the room. I sat up quickly, realizing I wasn't in my own bedroom. I glanced down to see the book still in my arms, and I set it beside me.

I must've fallen asleep by mistake, considering I'm still in Armin's room.

Suddenly, the door creaked open, and I saw bright blonde hair. Armin walked in with a tray of food, gently using his hip to hit the door closed.

"Ah! You're awake," he smiled.

"I'm sorry," I said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. I'll get out of your hair."

"No!" Armin set the tray of food down on the bed in front of me. "It's no problem, I promise. I'm just glad you got some rest. I brought you some food. I thought maybe you wouldn't want to face Eren just yet. If you're not hungry, it's okay."

God, I could just sob right now.

"Armin Arlert, you're the sweetest boy I've ever met."

He smiled wide, his cheeks flushing instantly. "Why thank you. Now eat up."

"Sir yes sir."

I began eating my food, and went to grab the book until Armin snatched it before I could. "I think a break from these letters is best, at least until you've ate something."

I rolled my eyes playfully, but listened to him. I ate all my food as Armin sat at his desk, going through papers. My heart felt like it was going to burst with how kind he always is. I couldn't be more grateful for him.

"I'm all done. Can I have the book now?" I asked, tossing my trash away.

Armin chuckled, grabbing the book and tossing it to me. "Here you go, Y/N. You can stay in here for as long as you'd like. I've got to do some tasks for Erwin, but I'll be back soon okay?"

"Alright Armin, thank you so much. Seriously." I smiled to him.

"What are friends for?" he smiled back, waving as he left the room.

I opened the book again, skipping to the last letter.

. . .

My pretty Rose,

There's much I need to say, and I'd rather say this to your face than have you read it in a letter. Even if you don't forgive me, please hear me out this one last time.

Come find me.

. . .

I set the book on Armin's bed, and went to find Eren without a second thought.

I'm ready now.