Eren's Tainted Rose

ch. four

I was sitting in Captain Levi's office, his eyes boring into mine. He was beyond intimidating, and it felt like my skin was on fire from his gaze -- and not in a good way.

"Now, tell me," Levi intertwined his fingers together. "What exactly kept you locked in your room for three days?"

"I was sick."

"Hange told me you had no signs of sickness. I thought maybe you had gotten an infection from that cut on your arm. But, Hange told me differently. You were fine. So spit it out, L/N. I don't like liars." he spat.

I swallowed hard, contemplating on telling the truth or not. He'd work me harder than usual if I told him I skipped out on food and duties just because of Eren. I wouldn't hear the end of it.

"I'm waiting." Levi sighed.

"I wasn't sick, okay? I was just super exhausted mentally and knew I wouldn't do my best if we were out on a mission, or just being around everyone in general. I couldn't do it, sir. I needed a break to get myself together. I thought the real reason wouldn't be good enough for you. I apologize for lying and staying away for three days. I should've been honest." I lied, terrified he'd see through that one too.

"Hmm," he hummed, leaning back in his chair. "Is that so?"

"Yes sir." I nodded.

"I understand then. Just don't let it happen often, got it? I'm your Captain. I need you to be okay physically and mentally. I know I'm hard on all of you, but I have to be. Just be honest with me next time, and any time after that. Do you understand?"

"Of course sir, I understand. Thank you so much. Once again, I'm sorry."

"No more apologies," Levi waved me off. "Just honesty. You're one of my best soldiers. I need to be able to trust you."

"You can trust me sir, I'll come to you with nothing but the truth from now on."

"Good. Now get out."

. . .

As I was walking away from Levi's office, I heard Armin and Eren's voice around the corner. I stopped out of sight to listen to what they were saying, but it wasn't completely easy to understand because they were talking so softly.

"Eren, you need to tell her the truth. You need to tell her you have feelings for her. You can't just hold it in for years. Do you see how that's changing everything?" Armin whispered loudly.

My heart stopped.

Who was he talking about? My mind could only drift to Mikasa. Everyone knew she loved him. Hell, even when we were kids, she was in love with him. Eren never seemed to feel the same way though.

Or maybe I just hoped he didn't. Maybe I imagined him caring about me as much as he did. Maybe he left me because he realized Mikasa was the only girl he needed in his life.

But how could that be? We were only ever friends. Best friends. And we were kids. We didn't know what love was.

For years, even back then, I told myself the feelings I had for him weren't real. I told myself I only deeply cared for him as a friend. But right now, hearing Armin talk about Eren having feelings for someone, I knew I've only been lying to myself. But I still don't have the heart to admit that anyone... not even to myself.

"Everything is already changed, Armin! I did that. Me! And I can never come back from it. Do you not see the way she looks at me? The way she talks to everyone else? I'm not on her mind in that way. I'm right not to say anything about how I feel. It would've ruined everything more than it's already ruined." Eren yelled.

I could hear the emotion in his voice. I heard the way his voice would crack, the hurt and pain he felt. I had no idea he felt that way towards Mikasa, or whoever he had feelings for.

A strange feeling began to overwhelm me. A bad feeling, one that made me angry and feel sick to my stomach. I need fresh air. Now. But the only way out is past Armin and Eren.

Fuck it.

I walked down the hall again, and they came into view. Their conversation stopped as soon as they heard footsteps coming their way. Both of them turned to look at me.

"Y/N!" Armin yelped.

"Hi Armin." I gave him a quick smile. He looked panicked, but returned the smile, and I knew it was forced. My steps began to falter when I noticed how different Armin was acting. Don't tell me he's gonna treat me differently too now...

I looked up at Eren, and his green eyes were staring directly into mine. There was no anger, no cold look on his face, no blank expression.

He looked hurt. His eyes were spilling with emotion, his brows were scrunched like he was in pain. It felt as if time stopped, like all noises became mute, and my only focus was him. It'd always been this way anytime I looked at him.

But that feeling still resting in the pit of my stomach reminded me of how angry I felt. I wasn't just angry, but hurt, and confused.

So, I looked away, and finally walked directly past them and out the door.

. . .

"Let me help," Jean offered when he saw me trying to replace the bandages on my arm.

I smiled up at him gratefully. "Thank you, Jean."

"Anything for my favorite girl."

I felt my face flush, so I looked away, and Jean gave me a knowing look. He grabbed my arm, gently resting it in his lap as he undid the bandages.

I watched him as he worked. I watched the concentration on his face, and the way he slightly stuck his tongue out as he focused.

I held back a giggle at the sight, feeling beyond appreciative of him.

"So you're feeling better?" Jean asked.

"Yeah, good enough to be back with you all." I nodded. He looked up at me, his hazel eyes meeting mine. I watched as his gaze fell to my lips, and back up to my eyes.

Nervousness is what I felt. Jean and I always had little moments where we flirted, but I never took it serious. Neither did he, from my knowledge.

But, right now we're alone. So the tension was more intense, the eye contact completely unwavering.

"Y/N," he whispered.

I looked up at him, giving a doe-eyed expression. "Jean."

He slowly got closer to me, bending down to my height. I felt his breath fan my lips from the proximity between us.

I wanted him to kiss me, but not for the right reasons. Because as he's looking at me with a daze in his eyes, I'm looking at him hoping this could help me just... forget. Even just for a little bit.

And suddenly we both jumped away from each other when we heard a door slam shut.

My heart began to beat fast from the noise scaring the shit out of me. Jean was holding his heart from fear.

"Who's there?" Jean called out.

"Someone must've saw us," I whispered.

And someone did see. Because while I was completely unaware of who it was, Eren was angrily walking away from the door he just slammed shut.