Sadiya |REWRITING

Chapter Twenty

A/N: Y'all the rankings!

***

ABUJA, NIGERIA.

Lots of ways revolved around escape of reality. Some, by drowning in liquor, books, poetry, or two repeated units of prayer. However, all not, but had varied coping mechanisms at their lowest. Weird as it may've seemed, several rounds upon rounds were her way of getting through the haunting shadows of her demons.

As a doctor, came fear. Saving lives rated higher than losing them in the hospital. Sadiya loved her job yet hated it also. Three days of consuming cups after cups of caffeine, threatened her psychological well-being. Alas, that was no first time of hers – shifts were not very welcoming, usually, but at the same time, a coping mechanism.

The one path her psyche took toward escape of reality.

Once the Attending stepped out the door, the doctor placed her head on the desk. Six surgeries, a pile of paperwork and several rounds with her assistant later, all she imagined was her bed. Food came right after. "You sure you don't need to go home, Doc.?" Deep in her mind to have blocked out the outside world, she hadn't heard the entrance of Nurse Safeenah.

"Don't you?"

Her failed attempt of a convincing smile was no opaque veil from the tired gaze of the nurse. Said woman dragged her loafer-clad feet across the room to the sofa that cried "come to me, mama" to her with grabby hands. A tired groan followed right after the huff that escaped her lips as she sank deeper into the softest, sleek yet minimalistic single sofa.

"I volunteered, Sadiya," she said, making use of the noun the other had insisted on when alone. "Or, would you rather Nurse Khadijah assist you for seventy-six hours straight?"

Sadiya grimaced. "Aye, you got me there."

"Of course I did," the nurse chuckled. The corners of Sadiya's mouth tipped upwards. "Plus," Nurse Safeenah suppressed a large yawn, it rose its way back. "I could take advantage of the one-week break come forth." The chubby, olive-skinned nurse, was Doctor Nusaiba's assistant a.k.a. die-hard minion. Nurse Khadijah was a complex frame to study. No one knew her on personal terms, and certainly only the problematic doctor did.

Doctor Sadiya chuckled, "we should leave, it's..." She squinted her blurry vision over the bright screen of her phone, "8:30 a.m."

As normal as it was, she made no move to leave the cushioned swivel chair she found herself appreciating at that particular time. With a side of her head placed on the desk, on which folders and other medical materials occupied, her lids began shutting on their accord and she did nothing to stop them. Nurse Safeenah groaned again, jolting the doctor from her slumber. Her system was clearly rejecting any more coffee.

"I should get my things, then change," the nurse said, leaving the office after a much needed stretch one would think was quite unhealthy for a medical practitioner. Sadiya hummed, relishing the time the universe granted her to herself. Once everything was put away where it was to be, she gathered her bags and left the office.

***

There were times when certain situations questioned one's sanity. Times when all a person wished to do was fist their hair and pull out of its roots, only if that'd make a teleportation occur. Other times, an individual out of mortification, would wish for the earth to yawn and swallow them whole. In her case was the former no doubt, as she took in the scene containing her vision.

That was her life. Like a boring news update where the reporter himself didn't look too happy to be on camera. A boring news reportage one's made to watch with their father throwing in tsks and comments with a vertex of interest. That, was her life. Albeit on repeat. Sadiya could swear the people in her present life were high on blow – it was like the three-sugar in tea habit they stuck to in the mornings; at least it was what she thought...

Right then, vomiting the question that had formed a lump in her trachea was so much as one she regretted. But, Sadiya deserved to know, right? Well, she tried convincing her overbearing subconscious that she had the right to know what she'd asked. Though she  vowed to never meddle in his personal life whatsoever, he was still the sperm donor and she ought to know the things he was up to. Well, things included in the tabloid.

When Sadiya asked of her father...no, her mother's ex-husband, the woman was certain that not only answers, but hurt she would get. She did, anyway.

The sight of the happy family she never got at a certain period of years was sickening. Her stomach churned, however, she swallowed down the puke. But the hurt, it was there. Lingering in the corner of her heart and chewing away the guarded walls around it. Just when she thought she was over all the pain, her eyes watered. What really happened? Sadiya refused to cry, it was a sign of weakness. She wasn't weak, had been, never again. Weakness was what destroyed her. It'd played a greater role than happiness in her life, but she wouldn't allow that, anymore. Its reign in her life was over.

The feel, foreign warm sentiment at the thought of her dead mother, her emotionless side killed it.

Weakness – that's what it was.

Mahreen: You okay?

No.

Sadiya: Yes why not?

The triple bubbles appeared, stopped, then continued. It was obvious Mahreen was holding herself from saying certain things. Things that could offend the other but still, wanted to know. Sadiya's blank stare sliced the device laying motionlessly on her thigh, she bit the inside of her cheek as the back of her head rested on the headboard, after a much-needed 9-hour sleep.

Sadiya: How're you?

A decade and half ago, young Sadiya would've typed a 'u' in place of the last word, not then though. Young Sadiya was naïve, stupid, happy and carefree. Current Sadiya could not even remember when or where her last smile was.

Mahreen: Alhamdulillah.

Mahreen, her Mahreen was still there. The one she had always known, not the one she had matured into an adult to discover. She could see it in her eyes, the familiar pain swirling in her gaze as one looked closer. Sadiya did not know what she went through, nor wanted their little reunion to be all about her (Sadiya), however, all she wanted was to hug her friend tight untill every worry and hurt vanished. When Mahreen threw back the question, she gave same answer.

Then nothing. Nothing came after that. The awkwardness of the situation lingering within the connection.

Sadiya took the initiative.

Sadiya: Talk later?

She responded right after.

Mahreen: Yeah, sure.

Mahreen: No matter what, I'm here always. I know everything hurts and I'm sorry what happened happened, but pls, don't redo the past.

Sadiya: I know, and I'm sorry for everything, android. <3