Steddie Oneshots

6. hurt/comfort - relapse

TW - SELF-HARM

Eddie was self-harm free for over 2 years but relapsed because of of the guilt of Chrissy's death.
He felt so horrible bad about it and didn't want anyone to know, especially not Steve.
They were dating for over a month now after all the  Vecna-incidents.
Of course Steve knew about Eddie's self-harm in the past but Eddie didn't want Steve to worry about him now.
In general, he actually felt bad because it felt as if he broke the promise he gave Steve in the upside down.
He promised to not play the hero and not geht Hurt but now here he was, hurting himself.
The only monster that could hurt him was himself.
He now had to do what he did when I was younger, wear hoodies all the time and try to not let people know.
He had work the next day and his workplace, a little coffee shop, was beside the video shack that robin and Steve worked in.
On that day, he tried to not run to Steve the second he saw him and tell him everything and went on with work.
The problem was that while making coffee, he had to pull up his sleeves to properly make it hygienic.
That's how he got weird looks from customers and sad stares from old people who didn't even look at his face at some point.
It was a village and they would talk and he knew it.
He was used to be a big theme there but usually, because he acted weird and not because of his scars.
Now he couldn't worry about that because Steve entered the store.
That totally made sense because he waited for Eddie to go to his lunch break with him like every other day.
Eddie wished he would've not come today but how should he explain to Steve that he didn't want to see him today?
He made the last coffee before pulling down his sleeves and going to the front door where Steve waited with a big smile as usual.
But as soon as Steve looked directly into Eddie's eyes, he noticed the dark rings under it and how pale he was today.
„are you alright, Munson?" He asked gently as they walked outside.
Eddie forced himself to smile while replying:„ oh yes, totally! I just couldn't sleep well because of some neighbor's."
Steve still was worried but didn't say anything as they walked to Steve's car on the other side of the rode together.
They drove, as usual, to Steve's so they could eat and watch a movie together.
But Eddie kept on scratching his arm through the hoodie the whole ride.
Steve thought, he knew what was wrong with Eddie, but hoped he was wrong.
As soon as they entered the garage, Eddie wanted to get out of the car and exit the uncomfortable silence that the drive had but Steve locked the doors.
He asked a second time :„ what is wrong, darling? You're clearly anxious so please don't lie again."
Eddie looked at him and then to his arm again.
He thought so long about what to say next, that Steve asked again:„ Eddie? Please talk with me."
His voice didn't sound mad or disappointed.. it rather sounded careful?
As if he tried to comfort Eddie as best as possible.
„ I'm so sorry, Steve.. I really am! I really feel horrible for what I did and I know it was wrong-"
„ what happened?"
Eddie's eyes burned from keeping the tears in and his cheeks were red of shame.
He sighed one more time before answering:„ I relapsed.. last night. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier."
Steve unlocked the car and got out.
Eddie followed with his eyes how Steve walked over to his door and opened it.
Would he scream?
Would he hit him and tell him how stupid he was for doing that?
Steve leaned forward and.. hugged him.
And while hugging, he helped Eddie up in bridal style and went up with him like this into his room.
After they entered, Steve layed Eddie down in his bed and told him:„ try to rest a bit, darling.
I guess you haven't really slept that night.. and I also am sorry."
Steve let go and wanted to leave as Eddie held him by his hand:„ please stay with me.. I don't want to be alone again.."
Steve couldn't just say no to Eddie so he layed next to him, pulling him closer by the waist so they could cuddle and that's what they did.
Eddie couldn't just fall asleep so he asked what he's been meaning to ask before :„ why did you say you were sorry? There's no reason for that."
Steve's right hand still was on Eddie's waist while his left hand stroked Eddie's hair as gentle as possible.
„ I'm sorry because if I would've been there for you, you wouldn't have gone through it all alone. I really should've been there for you.."
His grip got tighter while talking but Eddie didn't know what to say to comfort him.
Perhaps, it felt good to know that Steve cared so much about him but he also didn't want him to feel bad.
„ it's not you fault, Steve."
„ well.. it's not your fault either, love."

Silence layed over them like a blanket after those words.
After some time had passed, Steve asked worriedly:„ did you clean your wounds?"
Eddie shook his head and was a little ashamed of it.
Steve got up without a response and went into the bathroom.
Eddie could hear how Steve probably got the bandages from the counter and got out again.
He saw him standing in front of him with the first aid Box.
Eddie sat up while Steve sat down next to him.
„ could you show me your arm? I just want to clean it, alright?"
„ alright."
Eddie held his arm in Steve's sight so he could pull up the sleeve and clean up.
Right after he pulled it up, Steve gasped.
He really had to concentrate so he wouldn't just start crying because of seeing his arm.
He didn't want Eddie to feel worse than before after all.
So he got out a cotton ball from the box and spayed it with desinfectant before wiping away the stained blood that was all over his arm.
Eddie made some paining noises and it hurt him to know that he was the one doing it to Eddie.
But he also knew that it had to be done so he wouldn't get an infection.
After all the stains were gone, he got out a bandage.
He looked up at Eddie again before applying it to Eddie's arm.
Eddie's face got a little more colours since today morning wich made Steve a little happier.
He then put on the bandage as careful as possible so he wouldn't hurt him again.
He stood up and threw away the bloody cotton balls and put away the first aid Box.
Eddie and him layed back in bed again for a few minutes before they had to go to work again.
„ do you feel better now?" Steve asked.
Eddie looked at the bandage, then at Steve and smiled warmly:„ yes, thank you."
He curled up on him before whispering:„ I love you so much, Steve."
„i love you too, Eddie."
Soon after, they had to get up and go to the car again to drive to their workplaces again.
Eddie definitely felt better now and knew that next time when he felt like he would relapse, he didn't have to be scared to tell Steve.

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(1279 words)

I really hope that it's not too angsty-
But I swear I won't write anything with a sad ending because this oneshot book is purely for comfort.
Also I'm sorry if it's badly written since I normally don't write angst at all and am not used to it in any way.