ZeeZee: You as a K-pop Idol

WELCOME HOME

My phone is still blowing up with messages from other idols after the announcement of my hiatus ending. I can't quite bring myself to answer them yet – I pretty much stopped talking to everyone after the news coverage of my parents. I didn't want the reminder of everything I was missing out on, the life I'd lost. I feel guilty about it now, but I can't change the past.

Digging my nails into my palm to distract myself from the anxiety in my stomach, I walk down the steps of my plane and into the Seoul airport, my only comfort being the sunglasses balanced on my nose.

PSY told me I had to be ready for anything: cheers, boos, a combination of both. My breathing hitches just thinking about it. Sung-ho squeezes my arm to bring me back to the present. I give him an unconvincing smile.

I'm not ready for this, but then again, I'm not sure I ever will be.

***

The second I walk into the airport, the flashing lights of cameras blare against the darkened lenses of my sunglasses, and a barrage of shouts drown my ears. I try to smile, but I'm wincing too much. I'm sure I'll read about ZeeZee grimacing at her fans all evening. My heart leaps into my throat just at the thought.

But then, my eyes adjust.

Filling the airport are both fans and idols alike, cheering me on with signs saying, 'We love you Zee!' or 'Welcome back, we missed you!' From a brief glance, I can see Twice, BTS, Got7, Stray Kids and more.

Tears form in my eyes.

"WE LOVE YOU SEE!" They shout.

And suddenly, my anxiety melts away, and to my surprise, I laugh.

***

With shaky fingers, I press start on my Vlive, and much to my surprise, the viewers come flooding in.

"Glad you're back," I say, reading a comment. "I'm glad to be back," I smile.

After a little while, there are enough people to start.

"So, this Vlive marks the end of my hiatus, and in a little while, I'll be releasing a new album, and keep an eye out for my collaboration with BTS, which will finally be making its way out of the studio – sorry for the wait! But I promise, I'm back permanently, so you don't have to worry."

COMMENT: What did you do on Hiatus?

"Well, I was supposed to be doing absolutely nothing, but after two days of that I was already going crazy. So, I went to therapy, wrote some songs, visited my aunt – nothing too intense. But I think the most important step was the social media detox – no cameras."

The Vlive continues, and finally I start to relax. I'd convinced myself that after my hiatus and the scandal that my fans wouldn't come back. Sure, there are still some hate comments, but no more than there used to be.

Finally, I start to believe everything is going to be okay.