The Closet

Dedicated to the Past

I dedicate this chapter to you .

The man who broke my heart.

I appreciate all the good times and also the bad times , it taught me so many lessons and opened my eyes to so many things.

When i was down on my lowest you was there to catch me and love me like i needed until you turned into this person i never knew, until he was revealed.

You taught me so many things and ill always carry it with me. You made me a better woman in a way. I learned how to cook , i learned to change a tire , i learned a lot . I also lost a lot in the process but we was happy while it was happening.

You was gold in my eyes.

Sometimes the eyes lie to us right ?

I was hurt , so hurt to the point I felt like the only way I would get away from that heartbreak was to take my own life. I was there at the river for hours and hours building up the courage to go ahead and kill myself . 

Then you showed up , mad , aggressive grabbing on my arm throwing my things in the water. That day even though I had tears coming down my face , I knew this would be my breakthrough. You didn't care you was already moved on before I could fully move out . That month was so drastic , i had just got rid of my apartment for you so you could feel secure. Only to be single a week later, crawling back to the people I said I didn't need. 

That day I needed a hug but I got tossed everywhere and told I was stupid amongst other things. I was so hurt but in my head I was already plotting on how I would shit on you when i came up out that depression. 

After a few months I came back better than ever , you played me that whole relationship. I just never had the balls to stand up for myself , now I do and ima go hard behind me .

I was feeling like you needed better but really it was me that deserved better. If I was the problem why do you still call me , reminiscing on me and you ?

If i was so bad , why are you wanting me back ?

I was the perfect woman for you , I cleaned , I cooked , I took care of your kids and mine. I was doing everything that I could to make you happy , now I feel so played because that is a lot of time lost .

I got my confidence back .

My anxiety slowly been going away.

I feel beautiful again.

I feel free .

I feel like a better me.

Someone you said I couldn't be , someone you said I wouldn't be .

With you I felt like the janitor of the prison I was in . Picking up all the nasty trash just for it to be dumped back on the floor again .

When you first cheated on me , did you feel bad ?

Did you even care that there was a chance i could find out ?

You tricked me , you seemed to be an angel but even demons come in forms of angels.

Now I can tell you I'm happy and healing . I don't hate you , I don't dislike you . I do believe karma will be there to hurt you like you've hurt me .

Be strong like I had to .

Love always , the one that got away .