What could go wrong when taking a road trip, alone, across the USA after a break up? Well, I can answer that for you.
Your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. That's what could happen. The universe is really out to get me, these days.
That is...
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May 10, 2022
When we got back to the house James put up the horses while I took a shower. Now I'm sitting on the living room couch, scrolling through Netflix, while James showers. We are gonna watch a movie because that doesn't require a lot of talking and to figure out what happened between us means we have to talk and I'm not ready to talk about it yet. It was way too....intimate....
Footsteps interrupt my thoughts. I look behind me to see James walking down the stairs, his not too long, not too short hair still dripping with water. Droplets creeping down his muscled arms. Ugh I wish he didn't have a shirt on. Just one simple look at his abs and I'm already begging for more.
"So what are we going to watch?" James sits down a few cushions away from me. I internally yell at myself for my thoughts, but externally I smile at him.
"I was thinking a rom-com."
"Nope, absolutely not," he replies shaking his head
"What, why," I ask, not completely shocked by his answer. He doesn't seem like a rom-com kind of guy. Neither was Graham...wait don't compare him to your ex you bozo. Ugh I'm really struggling with my thoughts right now.
"They're predictable. Always ending in a happily ever after when those aren't a real thing. They are only in fairytales." Huh, there's a story behind that, I'm sure, and this time I want to know just a little bit more.
"You don't believe in love?" That has him huffing and looking away, avoiding eye contact.
"I've never really seen it, well besides my grandparents, but other than that no." I still don't want to ask about his parents so I move carefully around those questions.
"Haven't you ever been in love?"
He still doesn't look at me, instead grabbing the remote from my hand and scrolling through Netflix as he responds, "nope. I've had hookups and flings, but I've never had a girlfriend and I've definitely never been in love," he looks at me, "have you been in love?"
I think about that for a moment. "I've had boyfriends and I felt what I've thought was love, but everytime it ended I wasn't nearly as upset as what I thought I would be after a few days. So yes, and no? Maybe I've always just been looking for my 'great love' so nothing has compared to what that will be like but I still held some love for my boyfriends. So I'll go with yes...." When I finish, still uncertain of my answer, James says nothing. He stares at me, considering what I've just said, for longer than I like. "So what are we going to watch?" I change the subject.
He shakes his head, clearing his thoughts and returns his attention to the tv. "I was thinking a horror movie."
"Ummm, yeah, sure." I try my best to hide my fear because I am absolutely terrified of horror movies, but after the interactions we've had today I'm still a bit rattled so might as well continue with the theme.
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Throughout the movie I try my best to hide my fear, but it doesn't quite work. Every time I scream or flinch, James gives me a weird look. Apparently I'm so scared of the movie that I inch towards James slowly because by the time we are halfway through it, I've moved down the three cushions that separated us and my foot is touching his leg as I curl in a ball, sideways, facing him. I scream for what feels like the millionth time, just as the murderer chases down yet another victim. As I'm watching the screen intently, too afraid to look away I'm lifted off the couch briefly, and scream because what the hell?! Why am I fucking levitating? When I am sat back down again I realize that I am now in James's lap and he is wincing in pain.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scream so loud," I cringe.
He opens his eyes slowly, "Nope, you're fine. I should have warned you that I was picking you up," he laughs a little, which eases some of the tension in my shoulders, but I immediately tense back up when the music gets louder and I force myself to look back at the screen.
As I watch, I find myself curling up closer into James's chest. I end up shoving my feet underneath one of his legs, trying to cover up as much of my body as possible, in hopes that it will save me from the psychopath on the screen. James brings his arms around me, pulling me even closer which I didn't know was possible, but hey you learn something new everyday.
James's chin comes to rest on my shoulder, as I sit sideways on his lap, and I come to realize that the movie wasn't as scary when I'm so close to him. His presence covers me with a warm blanket of comfort and protection that I've never felt quite so strongly before. I try to keep my eyes on the screen but find them drifting towards James's profile. I get lost taking in all of the details of him, from the tiny freckles on his face, hidden by his tanned skin, to the fullness of his lips. They look so soft and I remember just how close I was to kissing them today. I wonder what that would feel like...
When I finally let my eyes drift from him I see the end credits rolling on the screen and am immediately saddened because that means I have to get off his lap, which I'm not quite ready for.
I move to put one leg on the ground and move forward, but am stopped when James grabs my hand and pulls me back onto his lap. I look over my shoulder at him questioningly, and he looks down at me with determination.
"Don't go yet," he whispers and his eyes soften. I smile and don't fight it, not that I would ever anyway. I move so my back is pressed against his chest and I'm sitting between his outstretched legs.
"So what do we watch now," I ask, very content.
"Hmmm what about this?" I look at the screen and gasp at what I see.
"A rom-com," I squeal. I turn to look at him, "I thought you despised them!"
He smiles down at me, "yeah, well, I'm willing to change my opinion and try new things." I take a long look in his eyes and then turn around again and lean back into him.
"Alright, then. A rom-com it is," I smile to myself. He turns it on but I can't even pay attention to it. My mind is focused on the feeling of him against me, on his chest rising and falling with breath, on each and every beat of his heart. And eventually on his hands massaging my shoulders. I moan, relieved at all of the built up tension being released and he laughs quietly.
"Feels that good, huh," he asks with a whisper into my ear, sending a shiver through my body.
"Mhhmm," I reply quietly, with a nod. We sit there, quietly together, not paying attention to the movie but instead to each other. His hands exploring my body and me leaning into each and every touch he gives me. My eyes grow heavy and I slowly drift to sleep in his arms, but not before I feel a featherlight kiss being pressed to my head.
