What could go wrong when taking a road trip, alone, across the USA after a break up? Well, I can answer that for you.
Your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. That's what could happen. The universe is really out to get me, these days.
That is...
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May 23, 2022
James grabs the remote and mutes the movie, turning to look at me. I raise my eyebrows, waiting to hear why he interrupted Tangled.
"I want to tell you something. Something I've never told anything else..." he trails off, looking away.
Oh, okay this is something big. Way more important than Tangled, and not many things are.
I sit up straighter, using my hand to turn his head back toward mine. "You can tell me anything," I say honestly, never breaking eye contact. He relaxes a little, leaning in to kiss me. It's short, but yet the sweetest kiss we've ever had.
He rests his forehead against mine, brushing my cheek with his thumb. My eyes flutter closed, memorizing his touch.
"I want to tell you about my parents." I have to stop myself from gasping. I've always wondered about it, but never wanted to pry.
"Okay," I say quietly, not wanting to rush him.
He lifts his head, his lips in a firm line. I reach for his hand and squeeze, reassuring him.
"You already know that my father's name was West. My mother's name was Araceli. They are my idols, always have been..." he trails off, slowly looking around the room.
"Araceli? That's a really pretty name."
He smiles, "yeah, I always thought so too. She was just as beautiful as her name from the pictures I've seen." Pictures?
"When I was four, I was staying at my grandparents' house," he continues the story slowly. I nod my head, letting him know that I'm listening. "That night, the house caught on fire," he pauses, "They didn't make it," he chokes out, tears rolling down his cheeks.
I use my free hand to wipe them away, not wanting to say anything yet, scared to interrupt. He grabs my hand with his other hand and holds it. He looks me in the eyes, despair so deep it makes my own tears well up. I hold them off, wanting to remain strong for him.
"I don't remember them. I know I should, they were my parents," tears streaming faster down his face. I break, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him close. He returns it, crying into my hair. I rub his back slowly, wanting to take all of his pain away.
"You were so young James. You shouldn't feel guilty about not remembering them." I pull away, looking him in the eyes. "Do you love them?" He nods his head. "Do you think about them?" He nods his head again. "Have you asked questions about them?" He nods his head, for a third time. "See. You don't have to have memories with them, to remember them. You've heard stories about them. Asked about them. Thought about them. Cried about them. You still love them. You keep their spirit alive everyday, and that's the best thing you could ever do to honor them," I smile sadly, hoping it was reassuring enough. He nods, still thinking about the words.
I pull him in for another hug, "maybe someday you could tell me stories about them. I'd love to know about the people that made such a wonderful man." He laughs softly, making me smile.
"I would love to tell you stories about them...someday," he sighs. "Someday," he repeats, almost wistfully.
"Thank you for telling me about them."
"No, thank you." I pull back, confused at his words.
"For what? I just sat here and listened," I exclaim.
He nods his head, "exactly. Thank you. Thank you for being you, so perfectly you," he smiles, turning back to the movie, which ended a while ago.
I sigh, shaking my head and lean into his side.
"Alright, what now?"
"A horror movie," I state. He whips head head to look at me, clearly surprised.
"You hate them though," he says, perplexed.
I shrug my shoulders, leaning further into his side, "yeah, but I have you to protect me." I look up to meet his gaze, his eyes sparkling.
When the movie starts I practically hide behind him, using him as a shield, which earns me a laugh and a space safety in his lap. His arms hugging me in, keeping me safe from the monsters on the screen.
There is no where I would rather be than here. I know it in my soul, this is where I'm meant to be. Not Montana, or Adler, or watching horror movies, but with James. He's not just my roommate, he's my other half. My twin flame. My soulmate.
