13 Reasons Why (Billdip)

Chapter 1

(Bill pov)

How does anyone do it? How can anyone just pretend that everything is normal and that someone didn't just recently die only a week ago? All around me in the halls are anti bullying and anti suicidal posters. Kind of pointless hanging up all of those after the face. I stop at my locker, glancing across the hall at his old locker. Cards and flowers are taped to it as a makeshift memorial. I know that not that many people really cared about him when he was here, most of the things left there were left by people that neither of us could stand.

I sigh silently as I open my locker and grab my backpack ready to just go home already. I close my locker again keeping my hood pulled up as I leave the school building, Will waiting in his car for me. I climb in the passenger side and rest my backpack by my feet as he starts the drive home. I sort through his mix tapes.

"You really need to invest in some cds or something dude."

"Nothing beats the classics.....how are you holding up?"

"I don't know.....should I be so sad that I can't stop crying? Angry that I want to destroy everything? What am I supposed to feel? Because I think I just don't feel anything. It's all like a numb tingly feeling everywhere even down to my fingertips sometimes."

"Grief is....a difficult thing to work out. I'm here if you need to yell or destroy shit or even just to talk or cry or anything. I'm fucking serious, Bill."

"I know. I think I just need a bit of time to myself to figure out how I'm feeling about all of this."

We pull up in our driveway and we get out heading inside. I head straight to my room and am slightly surprised to see a small bown package on my bed. It doesn't even have my name or adress on it.

It's not unsusual for packages I buy to just be put on my bed by my parents, but I haven't bought anything in a while. I set my backpack on the ground as I carefully open the package just in case it's some kind of fucked up prank.

Once the brown package paper is on the floor I see it's a shoebox. Lifting up the shoebox I see it's a box of tapes, numbered and sides saying A and B. That would be 13 things on each of these, if I did the math right. What the hell is this about?

I get up and head to my dad's studio, the door partially open as he works on his most recent painting. I knock on the door, seeing that I surprised him as he turns to look at me, paint smeared on his hands.

"Hey, dad...." I keep my hands in my hoodie pockets.

"Bill, something up?"

"No, I just....can I use your music stero thing?"

"You mean my boombox?"

"Yeah, that thing."

"What is this about?"

"I have an assignment for school and I have to listen to some audio tapes for it."

"Well it's in the garage....the school sent out another email. Is everything going alright?"

"As okay as it can be considering everything I guess."

"Me and your mom are here if you-"

"Need to talk, trust me I know dad."

I grab the first tape from my room and head to the garage, plugging in the boombox. I put the tape in and press play. The minute sound comes from the speakers, my eyes widen in shock and horror as my blood goes cold.

"Hey, whover is listening to this now......It's me, Dipper Pines. If you're hearing this tape, then that means I have indeed killed myself as planned and you are partially responsible for why."

"Holy fucking shit....." I mutter to myself quietly.

"There are 13 reasons, some people listed will be said twice for different reasons. So, let's get this started. I advise you to head to the Old School Park on Flint street for this story."

I quickly pause the tape, putting a hand over my mouth feeling like I was going to puke. I wait for the waves of nausea to pass before I eject the tape and head back into the house, hearing Will and my mom cooking dinner in the kitchen. I sneak to Will's room grabbing his walkman and earbuds before I put them in my backpack and head out the back door, getting on my bike and riding down the street.

It's very dark by the time I finally get to the park. I sit on a bench looking at the play set as I blug the earbuds into the walkman and slide the tape in. I am honestly scared to death of what I might here, but I need to know why. That is the only thing I've been able to think about since I heard what happened. Now here I can finally learn why but that means I somehow did something that made his life so bad that he wanted to die.

"I.....Whatever I did wrong, Pinetree, I am so so fucking sorry."

Taking a few breathes in and out for confidence I hit play.

"Wendy, this is for you. When I was struggling to figure myself out, I thought I had a crush on you. We went out on one date together at this very park. We just laughed and talked, acting like we did when I first came to this town five years ago. Just hanging out like it was any other day. I liked to stand at the top of the playset, spin the steering wheel and imagine the whole thing lifting off into space like a real rocket ship."

I smile silently to myself. "You always did love the idea of just leaving this planet....never thought you would take it literally though....."

"You were my first kiss. I was scared but you assured me that I had no reason to be scared. It was sweet and gentle, I didn't want it to end. But the next day, Robbie was telling everyone that we....you already know what he said. I don't need to repeat it."

I remember the beginning of last year, everyone in school were talking about how Dipper and Wendy had some....extremem sounding sex on the slide. I never believed any of it but that didn't stop me from feeling a pang of jealousy if it was true.

"You turned something small and wonderful into words that hurt more than any fall. You, Wendy, were the beginning of the end."

The tape ends and I take the earbuds off, rubbing the heel of my palm against my eyes to get rid of the tears I felt already stinging my eyes. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

"That my walkman?" I nearly jump out of my skin and turn around, Will standing a few feet behind me.

"Y-Yeah, sorry I just-"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." His gaze turns to the park. "....It's going to get worse."

"What?"

"The things you'll hear on those tapes, the things people said or did to him, it's going to get a lot worse than just a rumor about one kiss."

Before I can even try to think of anything to say Will gets back in his car and drives off.