13 Reasons Why (Billdip)

Chapter 7

(Bill pov)

I sit at my desk the next morning, earbuds in and the walkman playing the song that Dipper and I danced to. I remember that night so clearly. How badly I wanted to tell him about the feelings I've kept hidden. He was everything to me. And there he was, silently suffering for so so long and I was too much of an idiot to ever see how much he truly was hurting.

My eyes look down at the notebook on my desk. It's one of his. Whenever I ran out of room in mine, I would just steal one of his. He always made these cute drawings in the cornes of the pages. Some of the drawings were about the lesson from that class, others were things from a story that he told me he was writing. I don't know if he ever finished it. He did say that the main antagonist was going to be a yellow triangle. Some kind of demon I think. He did say he was naming the demon after me just for shits and giggles.

I jump slightly feeling a tap on my shoulder. I pause the tape and take out the earbuds as I turn around and see that it's just my mom.

"Sorry, I knocked but I guess you didn't hear me."

"I was just listening to something."

"What was it?"

"It was a song from one of the dances the school held."

She sits on the bed and I can tell that she has something she wants to talk to me about. "I'm worried about you, Bill. You're out at all hours of the night, you are shutting out the rest of your family, you're barely attending school. I.....I need to know if you are depressed."

"Seriously? Just because Dipper killed himself, you think that I'm going to do the same thing?"

"Just answer the question, Bill."

"No. I mean I am sad about what happened but I'm not depressed. I don't think that I am at least."

"Then what is going on with you? Please talk to me."

"You wouldn't get it."

"I can't if you won't even give me the chance."

".....Last year a lot of people started spreading some really bad rumors about Dipper. I was afraid those were why he.....so I've been going around talking to people and trying to find out who started the rumors and if there was any truth to them."

"And? Did you get the answers you were hoping for?"

"I realized that I knew less about him than I thought I did."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I used to be able to spot him in any crowd. But then, I realized that I could barely see him anymore. And then he was gone long before he was forever gone."

"What happened to him was horribly tragic. But it wasn't your fault. You can't forever go blaming yourself for what happened."

"That is a lot easier said then done."

"Bill....."

"I would really just like to be alone right now."

"I'm here if you ever want to talk." She stands up and leaves the room. I turn back to the box of tapes. I take out the next one, put it in the walkman and press play.

"This next one kind of takes place the same night as Pacifica's. One of you came back after the others left. Mr. Robbie Valentino, welcome to being number 7. All of you know Robbie, he graduated about a year ago. He was friends with Wendy, but her friend group mixec with Pacifica's so that's why he was with her entourage. He came back and tried to make me feel better. It didn't work but he even paid for the milkshakes and said he had wanted my name to show up on his list. I know he meant well, but I had just been hurt by so many people that I didn't believe him and said some really bad things. Then in Mrs. Bradley's class, where we had those baskets that people would leave positive notes in, I noticed that mine was always empty."

I remember that class. It was such a dumb class, I can't think of the name for the actual subject. It had something to do with learning how to properly express our teenage emotions or something stupid like that.

"I soon realized that it was him. So I did the only thing that I could think of."

.......................................

(Dipper pov)

I finish writing my note. Putting all of my insecurities, opening up about how much pain I've been in and how much I needed these notes of positivity no matter how stupid the class was. How whenever the basket was empty, it felt like a part of me was breaking and that I hoped he would take this into consideration the next time he wanted to steal from the basket.

The bell rings just as I sign my name at the bottom of the note and fold it up slipping it into the basket. I get up leaving the class, waiting for everyone else to leave before peeking into the class. I watch him take the notes but reads mine. He drops the others and shoves mine into his pocket. I hide as he leaves the classroom.

I can't stop what I do next. I have so many pent up emotions that I can't keep any of them inside anymore. I stand in the middle of the hall, calling out to him and drawing everyone's attention.

"Why me, Robbie? Why me?"

He doesn't even look back. He just keeps walking. I make eye contact with Bill but I don't wait for him. I just leave, not able to deal with the hurt that still lingers from the words he last said.

................................................

I shove the walkman and tapes into my backpack before heading outside and hop on my bike. I pedal through town until I get to the high school, knowing practice will be over any minute.

Parking the bike, I stand on the sidewalk looking at Robbie's stupid all black convertable.

"Bill?" I turn and see Robbie's confused face. "What are you doing here?"

"What did Dipper say to you that made you steal his notes?"

".......He accused me of having another agenda, to just hurt him more. I tried to explain that I wasn't like that but he just yelled and told me to fuck off. I did really like him at that time."

"But you threw away his note."

"I never threw it away. The things he wrote, those terrified the shit out of me. It felt like I was reading a suicide note. I didn't know how to react so I just left school that day. But I kept it." He opens his wallet and takes out a folded piece of paper. "It felt wrong to throw it away. Do you want to read it?"

"No. What did I do to him? I keep thinking but I don't know."

"It's.....it's hard to explain and really it's not my place to tell you."

"Will said the bigger the number, the worst the thing. Am I number 13?"

"No. That's all I can say about it."

He gets in his car and drives off.