Soul Colors

Chapter 1

The wind on the hill is incredible. I feel like I'm going to get blown away any second by it, and join the wrecks rotting down in the harbor. In front of me is the limitless Atlantic, a vast jewel stretching out into forever. The waves ferociously crest on its surface as I watch, captivated. I wish I could fall into it. I can picture it, me just leaning forward on the cliff and falling, falling, straight into the crystalline water.

            That's not allowed. That's never been allowed. The water is off limits, not to mention the fall would kill me. The large steel barricade across the narrow mouth of the harbor stares at me, dull even in the midday sun. The council says it's there to block contaminants. But staring at the ocean, I have to wonder how on earth something that looks so pure could ever be contaminated.

            Something taps my shoulder and I quickly whirl around. Behind me is Ian, my little brother. He looks bashful as he looks down at the ground. "Etta, I think it's time to go." He says softly.

            I take a deep breath. "Okay. You're right. We've been up here a bit too long anyways." I take one last look from the top of the hill, glance at the guard station, then turn around. We start walking back down the path to the settlement. It beckons with bright colored buildings and gleaming windows. The promise of the future, and progress, and safety. I have to leave the contamination safely outside our gates.

            I shouldn't even think about the contamination. It's in the past. It doesn't matter now. I'm safe here in the settlement. Forget the outside. The outside is most certainly dead. If I were to ever breach those walls, I'd kill us all with the disease too.

            Ian plods down the hill next to me as we head toward our house. It's not too far a walk, just several streets over from the road that leads up Signal Hill. The streets grow busier as we reach the bottom of the hill. Most people don't bother walking up there if they can avoid it. Technically the only thing really up there is the guard tower. But why avoid it? It is beautiful. It is out of the way, as well. It distracts me from my humdrum daily life. Good citizens go to school or work, go to their leadership groups, and attend to their household chores. They do their mandated exercise and mandated eating and have their mandated children. They don't spend their leisure time, rare as it is, hiking up hills for the thrill of it. Me and Ian can count ourselves among the few.

            We work for the success of the whole. I just wish success for the whole meant a whole lot more to me.

            I smile at my brother as he grabs my hand with his. "Etta, why can't we do this every day?" He asks in his sweet, innocent voice. He's ten. There's only six years between us but those six years are a vast gulf of knowledge. Somehow he can still stay ignorant to the truths of the world for a bit longer. How do I explain to a ten year old that something he enjoys is frowned upon by the government? How on earth do I explain that?

            I just shake my head. "We can't. Now you hurry up before Mum yells at us." I tell him.

            Our street is bustling. People are walking around and chatting with one another, smiling and laughing and living in an intricate mosaic. The street is mostly green row houses, but here are a smattering of blue and yellow and even an orange or two. You can see the green people expertly weave to avoid people of blue or yellow skin. You shouldn't mix. Your skin color is your soul. Your skin tells you who you are and how you should behave.

            I'm a green. My soul is green. That means I'm calm. I'm supposed to be cool and aloof and sure of myself. I'm not, which is the slightest bit problematic. I try. I try to stay calm. I'm still working on controlling my temper. I get frustrated far too easily and annoyed far too quickly. And I never, ever feel calm.

            Of course I nearly jump out of my skin when Ian taps my arm. "Etta, what is that guy doing here?" Ian asks, pointing into the afternoon crowd.

            "Ian, don't point, it's rude." I admonish as I stop to survey the crowded street.

            "He's red. Why is he here?" Ian asks me, surprisingly calm.

            "He's red?" I ask in a worried tone. "Ian, start walking. Please." I tell him. I spot the guy out of the corner of my eye, leaning against a light post. I prod Ian's back and he keeps walking towards our house.

            "Why is he here?" Ian asks me.

            I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. "I don't know." I tell him, hurriedly unbolting the front door and rushing inside.

            I swear that red man was staring at me that entire time.

            "Etta?" My mum calls as I step in the house.

            "We're home!" I holler, unlacing my boots as Ian hangs up his jacket. My mum steps into the mudroom with a frown on her lips.

            "What took you so long?" She asks, exasperated.

            "We walked up the hill!" Ian says with a big smile.

            The look on my mother's face. She looks as though someone stabbed her. "What would possess you to go up there?" She asks, staring at me.

            "I-I wanted some fresh air. I thought it would be a nice break." I say, slowly letting my head fall until I'm staring at my feet.

            "Look at me." My mum commands. My head snaps back up to see her furious eyes. "No more walks. Do you hear me? You two will be staying in your rooms when you finish your homework. No more free time. Ian, head up to your room. I want to talk to your sister alone." My mum says.

            Ian scurries up the stairs as my mum purses her lips and stares at me. "Loretta. Really? I thought you knew better. Do you do these things just to spite me?"

            "Do what? All I did was go for a walk." I tell her.

            "You went up the hill. I've told you a million times not to do that." Her green hair is slowly slipping out of its bun, falling into her eyes. I focus on that and not the angry green flush of her cheeks.

            "I'm sorry. I won't do it again." I say.

            "I...what am I going to do with you? Your brother listened to me. Ian and Will listen to me. You don't." Mum says.

            "I listen." I say quietly. "All I did was go for a walk. There's no rule against walking."

            "Fist it's walking, then it's skipping class and getting stuck in the factories and having no future." She says.

            I slowly sigh. "No more walking."

            Mum smiles. She knows she has won. "Good. Go do your homework." She walks into the kitchen and I sigh before I walk up to my room.

            She's driving me crazy. It's a walk up the hill. There's no rule against walking up Signal Hill. It's a hill, for goodness sake. There are rules for everything. Rules for interacting with other colors, regulations for how to wear your hair (if you're unmarried, down and shoulder length), curfew at 9 pm, mandatory youth group two hours a day. There's no rule against walking with a purpose. My purpose happened to be going up Signal Hill.

            I flop onto my bed and take a deep breath. I want to chuck my pillows at the closet. I don't want to calm down. I don't want to pretend that I am calm. This shouldn't be something I have to work to perfect. Calmness should be something that just comes automatically. I shouldn't have to think and force myself to be calm. I should just be calm. I'm green. It's who I am.

            I just don't feel like it's who I am. I struggle when I shouldn't and it drives me nuts. I was born to be calm. I was given to my parents because I am calm. My green skin matches their green skin and Ian and Will's green skin and should mean I am supposed to be here. I stink at being here.

            I pull out my tablet and open up my homework. I need to start it to make sure it gets in by ten. I can't let my thoughts distract me, much as I want them to take me away. And oh, how I want to get away.