Strangers ~ Conrad Fisher

nine

TW: mentions of ED and self harm.

-Flashback-
2 years earlier-

"Vic open this!" Susannah ran towards me and handed me a letter. When I opened it, my eyes widened.

"What is it?" Jeremiah asked.

"Yeah come on, what is it?" Conrad added.

"It's an invitation to a debutante ball." I said amazed.

"I know how much you've wanted to do this, and now that you're almost 16, it'd would be super fun." Susannah stated.

Over the next week, we shopped and shopped for dresses and other things.

One day I had to attend the first get together for us debs. I wore a pretty short pink dress and all the deb accessories. I even had my mom curl my hair and Susannah do my makeup.

When I got there, I felt so out of place. All these beautiful girls. They all looked like models. I couldn't compare.

I was assigned to the table in the back.

I walked over to the table and found my seat. All the girl sat and stared.

"Hey, I'm Vic, Victoria." I introduced myself.

They just sat there and looked me up and down. I felt horrible. I thought these types of things were supposed to be fun.

This was far from fun.

I turned over to my right to look at the girl next to me. She was gorgeous, I couldn't believe she was my age.

"You said your name was Nicole?" I asked hoping she'd notice me.

She turned to me, not impressed. "Yeah."

Great. Obviously this was not gonna be the place to make new friends.

"what size is your dress?" one of the girls asked.

i looked at her confused. "um, 12?"

she exchanged looks with the other girls. then nicole spoke, "i bet that was impossible to find, the dresses we buy only go up to size 4s."

i looked around embarrassed. i wanted to leave.

Finally it ended and i went home. I went immediately up to my room. I locked the door and cried. Even though I didn't want to cry, I couldn't stop. I had no idea why they had cared so much about my dress size.

i thought my dress was pretty. I thought i looked pretty.

Susannah came in a few hours later, "well how was it? did you enjoy it?"

I felt so horrible. All she wanted was for me to do this deb ball, I couldn't bring myself to tell her what actually happened.

"Oh Um, it was good. Really fun." I said trying to convince her.

"Yay! Im so happy you enjoyed it. Also, for the dance practice you're going to need a partner. Do you know of anyone you want to ask?" She questioned.

Yes. I know who I want to take me. Conrad.

"Im not really sure yet." I said looking down.

"That's okay, we have plenty of time to find someone!" She reassured me.

She soon left and I laid down in bed. Now I have to figure out how to ask him. How to get him to say yes.
———————————————————————————
Today was the day. Everyone was gone besides Conrad.

I walked to his room and knocked on the door. I could hear that he was playing the guitar. He stopped.

The door opened. He motioned for me to come in and we sat on his bed.

"Hey this might be really weird, but I need an escort to the ball and I kinda wanted it to be you. You don't have to, I just thought that-"

"V you know how i feel about balls. I hope you understand, things like that aren't my thing."

Oh.

"Yeah, um that's okay. I just thought it would be easier that way, it was a dumb idea. Sorry for bothering you." I said embarrassed.

I got up and walked out. Fuck. What am I supposed to do now.

A few days later i texted a friend that I had made a few days prior to being in cousins and asked him.

He said yes! I was so excited that someone wanted to take me. We were supposed to meet at the club for practice.

I waited and waited for him to show. I tried not to seem embarrassed but everyone was talking about it.

"Where's her escort?"

"Didn't you hear? He said he didn't want to be her escort because he didn't want to be seen with her."

"Yeah, being with someone as fat as her would look bad, I completely understand."

"Maybe she should have taken the hint when they didn't have pretty dresses in her size."

I was so embarrassed I couldn't stay anymore. That was it. I should have realized that I wasn't pretty enough to be a deb. Susannah was wrong. I was wrong.

I waited outside, trying to call Susannah and my mom. They hadn't been answering. I knew jere and Steven wouldn't answer, and belly didn't have a phone.

I didn't want to, but Conrad was my only luck at going home, plus he was the only one old enough to drive.

Soon He pulled up and I got into the car. "You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, just take me home." I said still looking at my shoes.

That was the last day I participated in the deb activities. I told Susannah that it wasnt going to work out, she understood.

A lot of things happened that day. Hate overwhelmed me, so many negative thoughts filled my brain that night.

I soon found myself in the bathroom with my razor blade. I never understood why people would want to hurt themselves, but now i could understand.

I created bloody lines across my thighs, thinking that they'd be better there instead of on my arms, so people couldn't see them.

I told myself that it was okay. That i wouldn't be so upset after, hoping the physical pain would take away the mental pain.

After that summer, i didn't feel the need to cut again, but my obsession with counting calories and exercising became my whole life. Soon, those two things had completely taken over me.

End of flashback.