"Will you tell me why are you here?" Soonyoung is lying next to you on the bed you two used to share a few months ago. You can easily feel the mattress sink as he struggles to find a comfortable position on the pillows, a strange feeling of dejavu filling the short distance between you and your now ex boyfriend. Well, not exactly a boyfriend if you're being honest, but maybe an ex something anyway.
"You're the last person I expected to see knocking on my door today," His eyes are partially open, and you can feel his hair slightly damp when your hand reaches the strands scattered on his forehead. "Seungkwan probably wouldn't be coming anytime soon either, he's still mad because I didn't show up to help him at the coffee shop last week." Your comment seems to lighten the mood, he smiles, it's subtly, but it is there.
"Sounds like something he would do." He comments disinterestedly, turning to face you before you could scold him for going out in the rain.
"Is it so hard to put the helmet on correctly? You'll end up catching a cold like this!" You lay your head on your hands, still watching him as he tries to find the right words to explain why he was here again after so long without sending a single message or just calling to let you know how things were going.
"You shouldn't worry if I get a cold or not." His eyes close completely, and he looks tired as the hand that is still covered by the leather glove travels all the way to your nightstand, turning off one of the lights that illuminate the room. "It's none of your business."
"And yet you're here right now. Why?" You change position on the bed, sitting with your back against the wall. It was weird to pretend there had never been intimacy between you two before.
"If you came to get your t-shirts back, I'm sorry to inform you that I've donated all of them to the church across the street," This time he lets out a laugh, as if he genuinely thinks you're incapable of stepping foot in a church. "I'm serious!"
"You pray now?" He raises an eyebrow, the tone of mockery clear in his voice. "Who taught you that? Chan?" He takes off the glove that once covered his hand, soon revealing the scratches beneath the leather.
"Shut up," You scoff, your lips dry, chills running through your body. You weren't scared though, it was just apprehension of not knowing why he was here and why he had come back now. "And don't bring Chan into this, he has nothing to do with it."
"Sure," Silence settles in the room as your eyes then move to stare at Soonyoung's fingers. The cuts are clear and some older bruises are starting to change color on the corners of his hands and around his wrists, slowly fading. You wonder if it's right to ask him what he's been up to all these months, and if he's here to stay this time. "Do you dance with him now?" He points to the polaroid taped to your wall, there are some notes in your handwriting around the photos, but he tries not to think about what that means.
"They sure were quick to replace me," He looks upset, but not really surprised that Chan has taken the place of principal dancer in the ballet company after his departure. "It's funny how things work around here."
"Are you insinuating that I replaced you too?"
"That's what it looks like. You guys were always close anyway," It's nice to know that somehow he still cares. If he's uncomfortable with Chan's new position then he hasn't given up on ballet completely, and if he hasn't given up on ballet maybe that means he hasn't given up on you either. "Me leaving just made things easier."
"Well, you can't just walk away without saying a word and get mad at the fact that things have changed. We had to adapt without you! Minghao searched for you non-stop for two weeks and rehearsals were cancelled, at some point we had to try to fix the mess you made." He's not the only one with the right to be angry. He left the company in a day and then he didn't show up anymore! His bike disappeared from the garage and the owner of the apartment he lived in said he had paid the last rent and left suddenly without any explanation.
"Tell me the truth, why are you here now? Why do you have bruises all over your body?" You get out of bed, gesturing at his bruised hands and the visible bandage under his shirt. Soonyoung remained motionless, displaying a sarcastic smile, as if your sudden outburst was just a joke to him.
"Do you intend to go back to dancing? I'm trying to understand but it's hard! How can you think you have the right to judge us now?"
"Did you ever think I had a good reason to leave it all behind? And don't pretend this is just about dancing, we were together and I left you. It wasn't right or fair but it happened, and yet you opened the door for me." He sits on the bed, ready to go through with this argument.
"You still care, don't you?" You notice he's still wearing the necklace you gave him after you guys performed together for the first time and your confidence wavers. Soonyoung takes your silence as consent to move on and soon he's tracing the polaroids above your desk with his fingers, noting that the photos you took of him are still there. A reminder that he used to be part of your life too.
"I do."
"It was supposed to be temporary," He picks up one of the polaroids scattered on the table. You're sitting between Chan's legs in one of the last rehearsals, his eyes don't stray to you as he speaks. "I intended to come back initially, but then things got more complicated than I thought."
"What do you mean by that?" Soonyoung grins at your question, only this time he seems burdened, as if the answer hurts him more than it should.
"I can't go back to dancing," His voice is barely a whisper, his gaze lingers on the photo for a few more seconds before he tosses it back onto the table with disdain. "I'm leaving for good." His steps towards you are calculated, and the whole situation is increasingly agonizing.
"The only reason I'm here is because I expected you to come with me."
"To where? And why?" You can't just leave your friends and ballet behind without a proper reason.
"Anywhere far enough."
"I feel like you're trying to run away," His hand cups your cheek and you can't help but sigh. "Are you?"
"You could say that." His eyes drop to your lips while his free hand closes around your wrist. You'd like to push him away and tell him to stop because this is all too much.
Yet you can't. 'Cause just when he's about to kiss you, your phone starts vibrating on the table, Chan's name on the screen. You freeze. The words that come out of Soonyoung's mouth not only shock you, but also condemn you when you realize that from this moment on you are willing to become his accomplice.
"I just killed someone, y/n."
