perfect storm

Chapter Seven | The Gift

February 7th, 2022, 7:00 AM

the rest of my weekend was uneventful. i did end up going to the mall with my mom, and i found something small that reminded me of Eddie. i'm going to give it to him in geometry today. i hope he likes it. i was sitting at my desk, once again trying not to fall asleep. i was listening to music to try and keep myself awake. Eddie came in, on time, with Friday's homework in his hand. he placed it in the basket and came over to me, sitting down in his seat next to me. "hey, Eddie." i said, yawning. "how was your morning?"

"it was alright. thanks to you i can come to this class and not dread it." he replied, with a wink so deadly it could stop time. "thanks to me?" i asked, trying to not shift in my chair. "yeah, you helped me catch up and you helped me with the homework. i couldn't have done it without you." i slightly shook my head. "no, yeah, of course. don't worry about it. what are friends for?" i hate to admit that saying the word 'friends' when it came to Eddie felt like my chest was going to cave in. but i couldn't tell him how i felt.

it's only been a few days since we started talking. i snapped myself out of the self-pity and turned to him. "hey, i was at the mall yesterday, and i saw this thing and thought of you." i said, while unzipping my backpack. he had a look of euphoria on his face that i had never seen before. "are you serious?? what is it??" he asked, almost jumping up and down in his seat. it was insanely adorable to see him this way. i pulled my hand out of my bag to reveal a small Hello Kitty plush that had a little Black Sabbath shirt on. she had a little black lightning bolt in the middle of her black bow, which was usually red. he grabbed it with the same hand the charm bracelet was on, and it jingled as he moved. "holy fucking shit. where did you find this?" he asked, turning it over and studying every little detail. 

i shrugged. "i saw it in the window of this independently owned toy store and i had to get it for you. isn't she cute?" i asked, smiling and lightly tugging on the little shirt. "this is the cutest thing i've ever seen. i'm in love." he replied. the look on his face tells me everything i needed to know. nobody in his life gave him stuff like this. nobody thought of him if it wasn't casually. he had the biggest, most sincere grin on his face. he was genuinely so happy. i never want to see him feeling any other way. he hugged it a little, then put it at the top of his desk. he turned to me after fiddling with her for a second so she wouldn't fall over. "i fucking love it Rue. thank you. i'm going to put it up in my room." i smiled, nodded my head. and closed my backpack again. "i'm so glad you like it." i replied.

class started shortly after. instead of paying attention, i spent most of the time replaying Friday night in my mind. the handcuffs on the wall. the silver gleaming from the light of his floor lamp. the magazine. was he really into that stuff? i mean, i guess no one's going to be super open about it when they meet someone for the first time. but if it were me i would at least hide it the first time someone comes over. like, if he was interested in someone, would he hide them at first? or if he's just friends with someone, he doesn't care enough to conceal anything? what if he will only ever see me as a friend and that's why he left them out? or maybe he just forgot? i don't know. but thinking about the handcuffs kept lighting a fire deep inside of me that made me squirm. his fingers sliding over the metal, clicking them closed and tightening them, pulling on the chain to make sure its secure...

i need to stop. seriously. i looked over at him and he was focused on our current assignment, furiously writing away to get it all down before the projector slide changed. i looked at him a little too long, because he caught my eye, smiled, and looked back down at his paper. i turned around to face the front and put my head in my palms. i rubbed my eyes with my hands, trying to stop thinking about him. it was almost constant. how can i get him to be more comfortable with me? how can i keep pretending that my feelings aren't growing stronger every day? it's beginning to feel impossible. i've always been able to hide romantic feelings for people, but with Eddie, i can't really explain it. sometimes it feels like i should tell him. but then i tell myself that it's way too early. i don't want to creep him out and lose what we have. i just have this insanely strong urge to make it more obvious to him. but i can't. not now.

the bell, thankfully, interrupted my persisting thoughts. i sighed and started putting everything away into my bag. Eddie zipped his backpack and picked up the plushie. "oh, you're just gonna carry it around for the rest of the day?" i asked him, sarcastically. he looked me dead in the eye. "yes. she will sit in all my classes with me and at lunch. you'll see her again in chemistry." he said, with the most serious tone i have ever heard from him. i giggled. "alright, i will see you in chemistry then!" we walked out into the hall and the plushie was in the crook of his arm. it was honestly the cutest thing i've ever seen. as we started to go our separate ways, i waved to him. "okay, bye Eddie, see you later, i love you-" my voice halted and i stopped in my fucking tracks. there is NO WAY i just said that. he just laughed and said "bye! see you in chem!" 

my heart was racing. i turned around and started walking away, anywhere away from him at this point. i can't believe that just happened. i have never been more embarrassed in my life. as i was  half-walking half-running, my phone dinged. i stopped for a second to breathe and i took out my phone. there was a text. i unlocked it and could not believe what i was seeing.

eddie :)

i love you too :)