MAY, conrad fisher

fourteen

chapter fourteen 

I just got out of the shower after being at the beach with Jere. Everyone was back at the summer house but Conrad. The last time I saw him was at deb ball rehearsals, so I was starting to become worried. Especially after I had left him multiple texts and didn't get a reply. But I couldn't help but feel guilty for being upset about Conrad when Sussanah is dying. 

I was sitting on the end of my bed, hair still wet from my shower, and wearing a black crop top with grey sweat pants when my mind started to realise what life was turning into. Anna was slowly dying, and I couldn't even talk to anyone but Conrad about it. Not even my mom. I wished I'd wake up and realise that everything was a dream and we were back in the car on the way to Cousins for Summer. Sussanah wasn't sick, and summer had only just begun. 

I realised that I had been sitting on the edge of my bed, crying for an hour and decided to pull myself together. I wiped my tears and grabbed a cigarette and lighter before heading out to the cubby house. 

As I walked up to the cubby, I opened the small door and heard a faint sniffle and cough coming from the 2nd level. 

"Hello?" I questioned, but no one replied. 

I walked up the spiral stairs that went up to the 2nd level and saw Conrad sitting on the little balcony with his legs hanging off the edge of the house.

"Conrad? Where have you been?" I walked over to him and sat next to him on the balcony. His hood was over his head and his head was turned away from me. 

He softly sniffled again. He was crying. 

"What's wrong Connie?" I asked, placing my hand on his knee. 

He turned to face me, and his eyes were puffy and red. He tried to send me a fake smile through the tears that were forming in his eyes. 

He didn't answer. All he did was grab onto me, embracing me into an extremely tight hug. I wrapped my arms around him as he dug his head into the crook of my neck. I could feel tears fall onto my shoulder as he cried into my neck. 

I knew he didn't want to talk, so I allowed him to stay there whilst I softly played with the back of his hair. 

10 minutes later, he pulled out of the hug and looked me deeply in the eyes. A part of me wanted nothing more than to kiss him but it wasn't right. 

"What's going on?" 

"Everything b," he sighed. "Everything is going wrong. What if we never get a normal summer again? What if this is my mom's last summer?" 

"Oh Connie." I pulled him back into a tight hug, trying my hardest to comfort him. My eyes started to water but I tried my hardest to pull back my tears as it wasn't my turn to cry. It was Conrad's. 

I kept him close to me, listening to his soft cries, "Sussanah is a fighter, she will push through this okay? You know your mom. Summer in Cousins will always be the same and I will do everything I can to ensure it's always the same." 

He nodded into me and pulled away once again. 

"FUCK!" he yelled, but he started laughing. 

What the fuck is going on with him. Is he going insane? 

"Woah why are you screaming?" 

"Do it; it feels good," he chuckled. 

"FUCCKKKK!" he yelled once again, laughing even more. 

I laughed back and decided to join him, "FUUUCKK!" 

"I HATE THAT I HAVE TO FUCKING HIDE EVERYTHING!!!" he continued yelling. 

"Someone's gonna hear us," I giggled. 

"Who cares," he smiled. 

"I FUCKING LOVE WEED!!" he yelled. 

"SO DO I!!!" 

"I WISH THINGS COULD GO BACK TO NORMAL!!" I yelled again. He was right, it was calming me down. 

"I LOVE YOU!" He finally yelled, turning to look at me. 

I turned to look at him as well, connecting eye contact. 

"I really, really love you," he said softly, still staring into my eyes. For some reason, he was leaving me speechless. He's told me he loved me before, just not this passionate. 

"No- I'm in love with you b." 

A faint smile grew on my face. I felt like everything went quiet. I couldn't hear the crashing of the waves, the chatter coming from inside the house, the cars driving down the street, or the birds. It was just me, and Conrad. And that's when I realised that I didn't just love Conrad. I was, in love with him. 

He placed his hand on the side of my cheek and bought his lips closer to mine but I spoke before our lips could connect. 

"I'm so in love with you Conrad," I smiled, finally allowing our lips to connect to one another's.