Neighbours, Friends, Lovers

7. don't disappear on me

꧁ Charlotte's Pov ꧂

Here I am sit in a bench right next to the calm ocean that is the very opposite of what I am right now, calm.
I am shaking because of the cold, my chest is shaking because the many hiccups through my silent cry.

I can't believe that she let her jealousy get through us.
I never could think that she would ever say these words to me, describe me as a person that I'm not. I'm not a cheater but most importantly I'm not that sneaky, I could never hide feelings like that from people.
When I love, I love harder and my love language is touch, eye contact and I could never hide my feelings for that long like she says.

She thinks that I've had feelings for him since forever.
He's just kind to me and a good friend.

The thing that hurts me the most is the fact that foolishly I let her play me.
I've always ignored him and tried to not get close to him too much, I never asked myself if was fair to him or even fair to myself. The answer is pretty obvious, it's no. We deprived, better say: I deprived us from a really great friendship that could start a long time ago and not just from the quarantine.

"Hey." I hear a voice, the voice.
I wipemy tears quickly and look up.
I see him panting, his now dark blue eyes shyly lightened by the shine of the full moon, looking at me and when they get to a see my face the look in them get softer.
I try to hide my marked cheeks by tears and try to fix the melted mascara by sliding my two fingers under my eyelids.

He sits next to me while I clear my throat.
His cologne gets to my nostrils and somehow I feel safe now.
"Hey." I say forcing a smile and then I see pity in his eyes. Do I look this destroyed?
"I'm so sorry for what she said... " he says trying to fix what his girlfriend destroyed.
I press my lips together in a dry smile.
"It's not your fault." I say giving him a reassuring look.

A silence takes part.
The sound of the wind is making us company while it caress my face giving me a sense of peace. The calm after the storm.
I look at the moon reflected on the deep waters that are painted of the deep dark colour of the starred sky.
"I should have understood why..." he starts.
I look in his way getting to admire his perfect profile while he's looking ahead.
"What?" I ask and my voice gets out all cracked because of the huge knot that is still placed on my throat rent free.
"Why you all these years didn't really get close. I always thought you found me so annoying but now I get it ..." he says, I look his lips pressing to each other and forming a thin line.
I can read grief in his face.
"Who can find you annoying? You're the kindest person I got to meet." I confess making a very quiet laugh shake his chest.
A smile appears on his lips.
"Thank you." he says while even is it's so dark I can see his cheeks get red.
He looks sup at me and I don't know why but when I get to look at his eyes I feel calm and safe even after what happened.
My tears have stoped, my chest is not shaking anymore.
"Let's go back." he says standing up and rubbing his hands together since it's freezing out here.
"No." I say with a cracked voice and ahh first he opens his mouth surely to convince me to go back in there but then che close it staring at me with a pity look in his eyes.
He understands that I don't want to be with her tonight.
"Do you want me to give you a ride?" he ask and my eyes go wide.
"For the love of God, no." I say out loud rolling my eyes but then when I look at him I realise.

I reach his arm covered by his puffer jacket and then I side my hand on it searching for a reassuring gesture.
"I'm so sorry I didn't meant like that.  You're so kind Charles but I can't." I explain and he furrows his eyebrows.
"I don't know what you heard of the conversation but I can't be close to you anymore." I explain to him. Better do it now than lose another friend because I ignored him for no reason.
"Why that?" he asks and then I understand that he didn't heard much of our argument.
"Because seems like G doesn't likes it and she thinks that there's something between us..." I explain and then I see his breathe stop and his eyes go wider.
"She told me that I'm not a good friend since I wasn't that interest of what you two are going through but I explained her that I got to tired of always be me who cares and never her." I explain he needs to get even my side of the story.
"I don't know what's going on with her." he says sitting right back in the bench, then place his elbows on his knees and get his head between his hands.
"I don't know either but it's not something that interest me anymore." I spit it out and he looks at me kinda disappointed.
Too bitchy?
"I'm sorry but I'm tired of being there for her and never have her when I need someone, plus she really hurt me tonight by insinuating of me being a bad friend and a boyfriend stealer." I say and his back get straight like someone put a metal road into his spine.
"Did she real-" his voice cuts from disbelief.
"Yeah and that's not fair because I've always ignored you because of that..." I confess and when I realise what I've just said it's too late.