Reasons I Can't Say (On Hold)

Chapter 3. And There She Goes

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Once I closed my eyes, the scene when Jason and Anya kissed kept flashing. It was like a broken tape, or a youtube video on a crappy computer that buffers slowly and I had to keep playing it backwards and forward. I tried thinking of other things, things that would likely divert my attention from their kiss. Why am I so stupid? Why do I even care? It's not like i like him right? right? Oh jeez I'm just fooling myself. I am in love with him. But no. I can't I just can't. No way. Uh-uh. It's to cliché  I won't say I'm in love. But his eyes, his gorgeous hazel eyes - the same color Josh has. No way. No way I am falling for that hazel eyed player. Player? Why do I even call him PLAYER? I don't know. His brown hair that falls just above his left eye that flipped beautifully when he moved just like Josh. Is it possible that I liked him because he has a lot of resemblance to Josh? How is Josh anyway, how is that jerk? is he fine? Should I text him, tweet him, IM him? No.

"Ughh." I moaned as I hit myself with a pillow. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" I reached for my phone. Oh great. A text from Josh.

Hey. What's up Alli? Haven't heard from you in months! We should catch up. Maybe we could go out tomorrow night, watch a movie or something? Call me if ur free.

Great. Just great. I thought about it. I didn't see him in 4 months, and I missed him. Even he broke my heart, tore it to pieces and fed it to the sharks, he used to be my best friend. We've known each other since we were 4. I dialed his number, keeping my thumb at the "end" button, just in case.

"Hello?" A familiar voice said. Inside my head, the thoughts in my mind were all swirling up, each thought having a distinct pain that you could differentiate from the others.

"Hey. You said I'd call you if I'm free so-"

"Oh yeah. You wanna hang out tomorrow? I'll pick you up at 4. I need to tell you something important." His voice turned from happy  to serious

"Sure."

"So how are you Lilli?" I could hear the excitement in his voice. If I could see him, I swear, his smile is stretched to his ears. I gasped as he called me 'Lilli'. That's what he used to call me when we were best friends.

"I'm great. I haven't seen you in months. How's your new school?"

"It's been great Lilli, but if you were with me, It would be so much better. I miss you." Those words. It felt like a fresh slap in the face, leaving a red swollen mark. Hey, I'm not the one who cheated.

"Nah. I'm good here." I tried faking a laugh

"Oh, I gotta go. See you tomorrow. Bye Lilli!"

"Bye."

The thoughts in my head were still swirling, each thought leaving a mark. I closed my eyes, hoping all the pain would go away. My eyelids felt heavier, and everything went black.

I woke up through the sound of my phone beeping. 27 messages.Oh my gosh what time is it? 1:00 p.m. already? Josh is picking me up at 4. I gotta rush! I stepped in the shower letting the warm water run down my skin. As soon as I finished, I stepped outand chose what to wear. The battle began with what I should wear - A dark blue V-Neck shirt and grey denim skinny jeans with dark blue flats or the long sleeved black shirt and dark grey shorts with black flats. The V-Neck shirt won. I let my wavy hair fall down to my waist and applied "the works" and by that I meant make-up. 3:00 p.m. I decided to watch TV downstairs to kill time. The sound of engine roaring outside my house startled me. He was early - too early.  He knocked at the door and I opened. I felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I haven't seen him in 4 months, i didn't know what to expect. He walked in the door with a huge smile on his face. Nothing changed. His eyes still sparkled the same hazel color. His hair seemed a bit darker though, but apart from that, he was still the same. I saw he was wearing something fancy. A white polo with a tie and tux and jeans and sneakers. I had to make up an excuse to change my outfit.