Fixing Us [Shadam/Adashi Fanfiction] ✳️

Fixing Us

Lance locked the door behind him. His shoulders sagged and everything around him felt heavy. Even the air had this tension he couldn't seem to shake. His brain was going a million miles a minute. The second Lance actually processed one thought a trillion others flooded his mind. He gnawed at the inside of his cheek. Lance rolled it between his teeth, not minding the dull pain, and started to tap his fingers. His chest had tightened. His ribs felt like they were caving in.

Lance felt like he would cry. It made no sense. Even when he tried not a single tear would be shed. His body was going all wonky and, for some reason, Lance felt like everything in the world was too much.

The way his jacket tag felt against his shirt? Too rough. The way his lips were pressed against each other? Too much. Any sound that came from anything possible (even himself)? Too loud.

Lance made it to the middle of the bedroom. The cots were a mess from the morning. Shiro usually made his bed, along with Keith, but they somehow forgot. Pidge's cot had the communal hoodie. Lance crouched down and ran his hand over the fabric. His skin sent alarm bells to his brain. The world felt so big, and Lance swore he would shatter at any moment.

His arms stilled and fell to his sides. He did the only thing he could think to do to release the pressure;

He screamed.

It echoed off the walls and Lance knew people on the other side of the door hear. As expensive of an institution Garrison was, it was still a school.

His heart felt looser. His numb legs didn't shake as badly.

Lance screamed again. He kept screaming, letting the noise of himself overtake his senses. The tears started to flow then, running down his face while he clenched his eyes and fists shut.

A thud was happening near the locked door. Lance didn't hear it over his shouting. He didn't say any words, just letting the horror rip out of his throat. He planted his feet in the middle of the room again and bent. He screamed until his throat was too sore to continue.

His lungs heaved and Lance's shoulders shook.

"Lance, Lance are you okay?!" Keith shouted from the other side. Lance choked down a cry.

"I'm.. I'm okay." His voice sounded rough. Every word felt like he swallowed glass shards.

"Can you unlock the door?" Keith asked. He was blunt and to outsiders sounded uncaring. Lance fondly remembered the time he would of insisted Keith was an unsympathetic jackass. He was shaking again when he undid the lock.

The door opened and Keith slammed it close once he entered. The lock was redone and the boys stared at one another.

"Touch?" Keith offered. Tears Lance hadn't finished letting out gathered. He nodded and Keith crushed him in a hug.

"Okay?" He murmured in Lance's hair.

"Reality's hitting me."

Keith sighed and held him tighter. He put a kiss to Lance's head. His thumb ran down his boyfriend's cheek. Lance held the back of Keith's jacket as he sobbed.

"We survived a war, and we're home, but everything's different. I'm– I don't know how I'm suppose to be. Everything feels so heavy a-and I just—"

"We're gonna be okay." Keith told him. Lance shook his head.

"You wanna scream again?" Lance picked his head up from his boyfriend's chest. His face was glossy and he looked like a wreck. A quivering breath came from him before a hesitant nod.

Keith inhaled deeply, then screamed. Lance managed a smile before screaming back.

It soon became less of a way for Lance to feel a sense of control and more into a competition of who can scream the loudest—but that wasn't important.