"Something About First Loves"
When we were young, I loved you.
I still remember the moment we confessed our feelings for each other in the young adult section of Powell's books, like it was yesterday. I still have the map of the bookstore, a heart marking the exact spot.
I still remember the exact moment I decided. That time when we were driving home from the lake, in the back seat of the van, alone.
You were so tired that you lay down across the seat, placing your head in my lap. You looked up at me with such contentment, and in that moment I knew you felt the same.
And I still remember that day when we were on the roof of your garage. The sun shone down on you as bright as your smile was when you looked at me.
These were the moments I remember. The moments I cherished. But we were only children.
I now look back on these moments, as a fully grown adult, who's experienced the same feelings as I did for you when we were young. It was love, in our own way. Which makes you my first love. But then, things only got more complicated.
We went to school together, and you were all too quick to disregard me, and tell me you had feelings for someone else. Another lucky girl. She didn't even reciprocate the same feelings, yet you chose to pursue her anyway. And you left me with only a note.
A note I still have to this day, to remind me of what I used to have. What I lost.
And who was there to pick up the pieces of my heart that you broke? Your best friend.
I was still recovering from you, but I refused to accept it. Refused to accept just how broken you'd left me. We got together, and broke up a week later, but he stayed with me afterwards. He knew better than you, the reasons I had trouble moving on.
His resilience inspired me, so I got back together with him... and we broke up three weeks later.
It was now freshman year. He still stuck by my side. And where were you? You were off with another girl. Perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect skin. You were perfect together. I wasn't anywhere close.
Now it was sophomore year. I'd finally come to terms with the fact that you were never coming back to me. I ran back to your best friend. I will always run back to him.
A year goes by, and he suddenly leaves my side.
I leave high school. You and I never talk again, despite our parents being best friends.
I forget about you for a while, but one day, you show up again. You didn't notice me on campus that day, but I noticed you from a mile away.
The sun was shining down on you and illuminated your blond hair.
You were taller than I remembered.
In that moment, everything came rushing back.
All the memories, over all the years. To this day, I still feel it whenever I look at you. I feel guilty, because we've both moved on, but maybe there's just something about first loves that's just never gone.
