you did as i told. i found you leaning against the unevenly painted wall, clad in you classic thrasher hoodie and matching skateboard with an intricate painting of flames in hand.
i never noticed how pretty you looked outside closed doors until now. i could stare at you all day.
but that wasn't my agenda.
i rolled my car's passenger seat window down, calling out to you.
"get in the car."
you sat, the inside of my chevy absorbing the air of your perfume.
i wish we could have drives like these more often.
you nearly stood up from your seat. "wh— are you driving off? hey, i gotta go back to the mall. can't we just do this later?"
"we need to talk."
your silence thankfully indicated that you were willing to listen.
"why have you been ignoring me?"
but then you sighed. "i'm not in the mood to argue."
"i'm not trying to argue. i really wanna know why. back in the mall, you—"
"summer's over, augustine. go on with your life and i'll go on with mine," he interrupted. "you can drop me off here."
i didn't understand.
i pulled over, face red all over.
"'summer's over'? what, so i was nothing to you? after all those nights, i become a mere stranger? a rebound? a fucking mistake?! "
"so what if you were?! how desperate can you be to think any of this is serious to you anyway?"
"i love you, mingyu! and— and all you've done this summer was make me feel like you loved me too."
"sorry you misunderstood i guess. i'll get off now, thanks."
just like that, all my joy wore out.
why was it that you fancied kissing me then now not even listen to words spilled from those very lips? why was it that you'd act out languages of love then talk to me like i'm nothing in broad daylight? why was it that you'd pamper me to tell me i was special only to treat me as someone without worth in the end?
why are you so confusing, mingyu?
"you're still into her, aren't you?"
you paused for a minute, as if lost in thought.
"have a nice day, augustine."
then with no other answer, you shut the door.
i could not suppress my tears.
you didn't even look back with the slightest remorse.
you were hers. you've always been.
and me? i was just a sorry phase in your life.
