it was the last day of summer.
on top of that, it was also a sunday, so the mall was packed. it was definitely a bad idea to go shopping for school supplies the day before it starts.
nonetheless, i succeeded.
i thought my work had already been done before i passed by girls whose eyes were fixed on me. both had identical styles; hot pants, crochet tops, and blonde beach waves. they reeked of mint gum (they chewed really loudly too).
"isn't that the girl that's been fucking kim mingyu all summer?"
their voices were loud enough for me to hear all their sputtering. i, though my head was telling me no, froze, somehow wanting to prolong the suffering of my pride.
"what a downgrade!"
the two erupted into a fit of laughter.
i could not fight back, knowing deep down it was true. how could a girl who holds onto nothing but dreams compete with her? how could i ever come close to her level?
"hmmmm, nice body though," one of them marveled. "bet you a shitload he's only there for . . . you know."
"sweetie, you can't bet on something we both agree on."
funny.
i assume their old impression of 'augustine the freshman who goes to motels every night to fuck around' never went away even after three years.
one of the girls nudged her friend. "i think she hears us."
"please. why care about what the other woman feels anyway?"
the other woman?
no. no way. that wasn't true.
maybe paying no attention would shut them up. i should've walked away sooner.
coincidentally, as i was exiting, you were only about to enter. for a moment, i could see you move your sight to me.
with a grin forgetful of all things gossiped, i waved.
you passed by like i was nobody.
fuck.
maybe i was nobody to you.
for the first time, i felt like i deserved something : your explanation.
i pulled my phone out. your first and last text was from the first night you called me over, but i made sure to pin your contact wouldn't drown in my sea of texts.
because no message of mine mattered except yours. not my mom's. not my childhood friend's. not the scammer who said he'd give me a job if i deposited 20k won to his kakaopay account. only you.
my world revolved around you.
'meet me behind the mall'
meet me behind them all.
