Arcanum

FLIPPING PAGES

PT 2 to "Light Reading"
Post Publishing Note- I didn't want any smut in here at first, but now I do. So yes, this is edited. I changed some things.
————————
What the fuck just happened?
——————
I stared at the ceiling, the light from the full moon beside my window bathing me in soft, yellow light. I inspected the popcorn texture of it, refusing to let my mind go elsewhere.

Caitlyn hadn't come home for some time. It was late, and I had left her dinner in the fridge. When I rushed home, I found myself operating on autopilot, internally panicking at what had ensued at the library. I was so angry with myself, that I had even let things get that far.

Caitlyn hadn't followed me home. To tell the truth, I hadn't paid much attention as to where Caitlyn went after I stormed out of there, unable to gather myself.  I decided not to think much of it and wait for her to come home. Though if she didn't come home at all, I wouldn't blame her.

A few hours later, I heard keys jangle outside, and the apartment door unlock. The time read 11:04 pm. There was a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, of shame and embarrassment. And anger.

Immediately, the tension in the entire apartment climaxed. I stayed face up in my bed, holding my breath.

Please don't come in here.

I held my breath until I heard Caitlyn's soft footsteps stop outside my room. I quickly shut my eyes tight, facing the other way. I heard the door click open softly, the light from the main living space pouring in.

Upon seeing that I was presumably asleep, Caitlyn closed the door softly, and I heard her footsteps patter down the hallway.

I turned back up towards the ceiling, sighing in relief.

I lay awake for hours, unable to stop thinking about Caitlyn. She had infected my mind, my very being. On one side of my heart was an old, deep hatred for her, and on the other side was this new, unfamiliar feeling. I was confused and torn.

Despite my best efforts... all I could possibly think about was her. Her... hands on me. Her lips on mine. The way she made my legs shake. The way she held my wrists above my head..... Even the way she spat at me, such malice in her voice, but then made me feel the greatest pleasure I had ever felt. God. I couldn't keep her out of my mind.

Stop that. I couldn't continue to think these filthy things. Caitlyn hates me. And I hate her. If telling myself that over and over would force myself to believe it, so be it.

Eventually, I gave in to my thoughts and lost motivation to continue sleeping. I rose from the bed, wincing as the cheap wood paneling creaked under my feet.

I slowly walked into the kitchen, doing my best to quiet my steps.

I turned on the harsh, old yellow lighting of the cold kitchen, blinking as my eyes adjusted and grabbing a glass from the cabinet. I filled it with water, frowning at the wall as I pondered.

I leaned against the cold granite counter, slowly sipping my water as my mind raced.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry and laugh and express some sort of emotion for the utter bewilderment I was experiencing.

I groaned quietly, rolling my eyes at my stupidity. Caitlyn obviously felt nothing for me. She loathed my very existence. Which of course, was fair. I had made her life hell. And now it was too late to apologize. She obviously only let things get so far tonight because she wanted to hurt me. And I didn't blame her.