Scars to Your Beautiful (New)

Would Anyone Notice?

My foot connecting with a tree root forced me out of my thoughts as I stumbled, nearly falling. I clutched my chest at the jolt of adrenaline and righted myself. For the first time since leaving the dropship, I looked around the forest I had walked out into early that morning. I made a slow turn, every tree and rock identical making me feel like I was in a room full of mirrors.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself. "Ain't this par for the course. Rook, my girl, you've gone and gotten yourself lost."

I sighed and scratched my head, grimacing that it had been nearly a month since I'd had a shower. I looked back in the direction I thought I'd come, but the forest was too fucking similar, and I wasn't sure I had even come that way.

"Oh, fuck me," I sat against the tree that had tripped me.

Looking up through the canopy, I noticed there was plenty of daylight left to find my way back to the dropship. I closed my eyes and tried to remember my direction this morning. If I had circled the camp before heading out, but I was coming up blank. I hit the back of my head on the tree in consternation and glared outward. My hands twitched with the sudden need to do something, but there was nothing for me to mess with. To fix. To hit. I sighed and thunked my head against the tree again. I could find my way through the most complex schematic on the Ark but ask me for directions, and I'd always come up empty. Usually, when my mind was occupied by some design or image of a certain blonde or brunette.

I growled and pushed myself off the ground, looking up at the sky again and wondering if the brunette, Raven, was still alive. If she was struggling to breathe. Or if she was going about her job as clueless as the rest of the Ark was. Back before my arrest, Raven and I were in the same program. Both of us were picked by our chosen mentors earlier than the average age. And both vying for the top spot. For the first time in my life, I met someone who could keep up with me and challenged me in a way no one had before. Raven's personality was fiery and boisterous, and fuck, was she unabashedly blunt. Unafraid to call anyone out if they were being an idiot or in the wrong. Raven knew what she wanted and was determined not to let anything stand in her way of getting it. Her self-confidence was just on this side of being cocky, but she had every right to be; Raven was just that damn good of a mechanic. And fuck, did I wish I had an ounce of whatever Raven had. Maybe I could have stopped what happened to me sooner if I did.

Unthinkingly, I reached over and ran my thumb over a faint line that ran the length of my right forearm.

My mind then traveled to the blonde, one Clarke Griffin. She had come down with the rest of us juvenile prisoners, labeled a traitor for knowing the Ark was dying. Clarke had captivated me even before I realized I was attracted to women. She was always kind and soft-spoken but with hidden steel in her spine. She had this presence that people naturally gravitated to, and even though she was privileged, Clarke never acted like it. But God, I was enthralled when I saw her after four years. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd seen, barring the brunette. She had curves I wanted to trace with my fingertips and taste with my lips. Golden blonde hair I imagined wrapping my hands in. Blue eyes that I wanted to see darken as I...

I took a deep breath pushing those thoughts away. It was a waste even to entertain such thoughts because she'd never notice or think of me that way. Not when there was Spacewalker, Finn Collins, being his charming self. But then again, I might've nipped that in the bud after I accidently blurted that he had a girlfriend in front of Clarke. Unfortunately, Collins wasn't the only one interested in the blonde. There was also Bellamy Blake, but he tended to annoy Clarke rather than charm her. But that didn't mean I had a chance. I was a nobody. Just some mechanic who got into fights.

That's what had gotten me thrown in Lockup. I beat some asshole when he called me names I never wanted to be repeated, even to myself, and relentlessly bullied me. I nearly killed him without realizing it before I was dragged away by several guards. I didn't even get a trial to defend myself, not that it would have mattered. I was just some kid from Factory, barely worth the rations and air. Just a waste of space.