Me and Josh still have had no communication whatsoever over 2 weeks. He's not worth my time, but I can't help but be attracted to him. I've tried notes, texting, talking, but he wants nothing to do with me.
I've cried every day since then. He's always on my mind. I feel like I'm not worthy of anything. I don't understand why I still like him. He broke my heart and is now turning into a duplicate of Mackenzie. Just like everyone else. They see Mackenzie, fall in love with her, then turn into one of her little monsters who will practically dig under your skin to find every single possible way to make you in pain.
Why does she hate me? So what if I come to school in sweats and old sneakers? So what if I'm not exactly a Victorias Secret model? I'm me! Accept me for me! Not some fake dolled up Barbie! I'm a nerd, geek, freak, and dork!
BUT GUESS WHAT MACKENZIE! IM A HUMAN! HUMANS HAVE FEELINGS!! I may not act like I care, but I swear it KILLS me inside. Im a human! But you, you are something else! You are a monster who gets to people's heads. You make people want to die, stupid Mackenzie.
Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this so easily? You make it hard to smile because you make it hard to breathe. Why do you do this to me?
I'm sick of Mackenzie. I've suffered from her for 3 years. She's never like me. I'm fine with people not liking me. I know people won't like me. I just hate it when they say these little comments about you in front of your face. When they say to your face that they don't like you. Before Mackenzie came into my life, I was the happiest kid you would have ever seen. I was 12 and I was living life to the fullest! Now I'm 15 and I'm suffering from her bullying.
I miss Josh. I miss the way he would hold me and love me. I miss the way his hand fit in mine. We were perfect. But now he's gone, all because of stupid Mackenzie. Should I accept the fact he's gone? Should I try to get him to be mine?
What am I going to do with my life? It can get any worse...
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It would suck to be Jaki! It was painful for me to write this. But I had to add lots of drama! That's just how I role! Oh, and the whole paragraph that says
'Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this so easily?' Is from one of my favorite songs called why by secondhand serenade. Look it up sometime! Thanks to all the people who are reading this. I know it's only a few people reading this!
~SAVY!!!!
