SAVING ME
“Come on babe,” Zayn said coming over to where I was sitting on the couch reading tweets, “Bed time.” He said smiling warmly. I smiled back at him but not as warmly, there were other things on my mind as I was led to our room. I slid into the cool sheets as I watched Zayn, shirtless, cross the room to the other side of his bed. I admired his perfect toned body, and the number of tattoos that scattered his body. As I admired him I noticed a patch if skin on his left shoulder just above his heart. I frowned and he noticed “Gosh you’re adorable when you make that face!” he said standing beside the bed watching me. I let my face relax into a shy smile “I was just wondering why that patch if skin is bare.” I questioned him. He smiled a knowing smile and slid into bed next to me, wrapping an arm around me pulling me closer. “I will tell you when the time is right. Now..” he stopped talking for a moment as he brought my left wrist to his face. I turned my head ashamed, as he scanned it searching for any new cuts. When Zayn and I had first met, I was in a very dark place. I had no one left, my Mum and Dad had died in a car accident when I was 16 so I was sent to London to live with the only other family I had. My Dad’s Dad. He was old too and died a year later. I had to leave school and get a job just so I wouldn’t lose his apartment and so I wouldn’t be homeless. I was working in Starbucks when we met. I gave him his coffee and in return he gave me the cash and his number. He took me out for a picnic for our first date and that’s when he found them. Each night from then on he made me promise never to cut again. “Because as long as you have me here to protect you, you will never get hurt ever again,” he would say “I promise Zayn never again” I would say in return. I lay on his chest after he had tenderly kissed each thin white line up my arm. “Promise me never to do this to yourself again Nada, please.” He said softly as I lay my head on his chest. “Because as long as you have me here to protect you, you will never get hurt ever again,” he continued. “I promise Zayn,” I whispered as a tear slipped from my eye. I listened to his breathing slow as he slowly drifted into a deep sleep. Slowly and quietly I lifted my head off his chest and flipped my legs over my side of the bed. I sighed heavily and began to walk over to our bathroom. Before stepping inside and locking the door as usual I looked back at Zayn sleeping peacefully alone. “He would be so much happier without me.” I though as I silently shut the door and locked it. I sat on the floor leaning on the bath behind me and reached into the draw where Zayn and I kept our razors. I pulled his out and slowly removed the blade, placing the body of the razor back into the draw and the blade on the bath ledge beside me. I reached down to the bottom of my pyjama pants and rolled them up delicately so that my thigh was showing. Once they were rolled up I looked down at my thigh and saw thin white lines of all shapes and sized plus thin red lines that were from nights like this nit so long ago. I picked up the blade from the edge of the bath and held it against my thigh. I put pressure on the blade and felt it dig into my skin. As I slowly pulled it through the layers of skin I closed my eyes and flung my head back. Once I felt like the cut was long enough I took the blade out and looked at what I had just created. “You promised” I whispered to myself as what felt like fire danced across my fleshy wound. This one was longer than the rest and a lot deeper. I stared at it as I thought about all the hate on twitter, all the articles and gossip columns about me and my past, all the trends about how I was bad for Zayn, worse than smoking was for him. Even management had tried getting rid of me, telling me that I was holding Zayn back, and that I needed to get out of his life forever so he could continue being a success. Then I thought back to my Mum and Dad and how quickly they were taken away from me. I threw the blade across the room and held my head in my hands as I fought to hold back tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. I heard a knock at the door and Zayn’s voice fill my ears “Nada, baby what’s wrong?” I heard him ask through the door. I reached again for the blade but this time held it against my wrist. I thought about how much hate I was getting and how everybody seemed to hate me.“Down the road not across the street.” I said to myself and slid the blade down my arm towards my hand. “NADA!!!!” I heard Zayn yell in panic. He had heard me. He began to beat at the door, but I didn’t want him to rescue me. I sat on the floor of our white tiled bathroom and watched it slowly turn to red. I watched the door and watched Zayn finally break through it with Louis hot on his heels. “OH my god, she’s tried to kill herself!! LOUIS!!!” Zayn began to cry and yell and panic. “Call 911 Zayn NOW!!” I heard Louis yell at him taking control. I felt his strong arms lift me up and carry me to go knows where, that was all I remember. It went black after that. “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP” I slowly opened my eyes and saw a blinding white light in front of me. I squinted and let my eyes adjust. Once they had adjusted I took in my surroundings, “I’m in the hospital?” I whispered confused. I continued to look around and finally noticed Harry and Liam asleep sitting on the sofa, Niall sitting on the seat beside them with his head on the arm on the sofa also asleep. Then I noticed Louis on one side of my bed and Zayn on the other. They were both on chairs with their heads in their hands, cheeks wet and eyes closed. I moved slightly and Zayn’s eyes flicked open. I watched him as he looked up at me eyes full of tears and sorrow. “Nada?” He asked softly when he realized I was finally awake. “Nada!” He said and wrapped his arms around me knocking my wrist in the process. I winced and pulled back “I’m sorry,” he whispered. I held up my wrist that was now bandaged. I examined the blood still leaking from it and then turned to Zayn. “7 stitches.” He explained then looked down. I opened my mouth to speak but he spoke before I could get any words out. “Why Nada? You broke your promise to me, more than once!” I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. “No one likes me Zayn! You may have seen the trends but you never saw the messages the mentions, the letters of hate I got everyday telling me to kill myself or go visit my parents! Even management! They told me you were better off without me, and yes I believed them because you were much happier without me and my complications” I looked up into his eyes and saw that he was crying again. “Happier? Without you? Nada, you’re my life, my world, my everything! Without you I wouldn’t know what to do with my life, there would be no purpose! And no one liking you?! Take a look around the room, these boys have been here since we met, they love you! My family love you, Nada I love you and that’s all that matters.” Then he got down onto the floor onto one knee. “Nada, please let me protect you forever please let me be the family you lost, please let me love you.” He said sincerely and pulled out from his pocket a dark blue velvet box and opened it revealing a gorgeous diamond ring. A small smile crept across my face “Yes” I whispered. “WOOOHHHOOOO!!!” Cheers of joy were let out from the rest of the boys. “Congrats you two!!” Louis said excitedly! I laughed, as did Zayn and he kissed me passionately. “I love you Nada,” I love you too Zayn, thank you for saving me.”
