The Swordswoman of Arden

Secrecy

"Good afternoon Princess Morgana, what's gotten you all up in the clouds today?"

I dropped my hand hastily, I must've looked a picture as I entered the kitchen, touching my lips as if I could still feel Lex on them. 

There was a knowing smile on Pat's face, it mocked me as I walked to stand beside her.

"Nothing Pat, I'm just so excited to help you, how are you?"

She scoffed, rolling her eyes at my pathetic attempt at an excuse for my dazed appearance, and replied that she was fine. She pushed a rolling pin at me and pointed to a ball of dough on the worktop in front of me.

"If you won't tell me why you're so away with the fairies, I'll squeeze it out of you anyway," she teased, and I kept my head down so she wouldn't see my panicked expression as I kneaded the dough for her.

It wasn't long before I had the dough shaped nicely to go in the bread tin, and I called Pat to check I had executed the job to her standards. She surveyed it from all angles, and nodded, looking rather chuffed with my work.

"Excellent job my lady, you are getting better and better at this! I'll fetch a paddle and pop it in the furnace for you, it shouldn't take long to bake."

I clapped my hands in the air to dust the excess flour off, and started to work on the next loaf.

"Where is Dame Lex? I should have said she was welcome to join us, I hope she doesn't think ill of me now."

"Don't be silly Pat, she likes you the best. She had other things to do today sorting tomorrow's coronation."

Pat stood next to me, placing her hands on her hips.

"Ah but she definitely likes you most of all, Morgana, it's quite obvious."

"Really?" I responded nervously, and far too quickly at that, it was clear she was looking for a reaction from me. One of her eyebrows raised and I sighed, giving up trying to play it off as nothing.

"Is it that clear? Do you think everyone can tell?"

Her laugh echoed over the stone walls as she replied.

"No one knows you as well as I do Morgana, and therefore no one has suspicions, trust me."

She leaned in closer and shook her head in disbelief.

"Not even your father appears to be aware, sometimes I'm dumbfounded by his blindness."

"Pat!" I giggled along with her, relief coursing through me. Maybe my secret was well kept after all. 

"What... gave it away to you?" I asked hesitantly. I must cover these signs up, I would never want anyone else to find out, ever.

"Oh please, I have known you since you were a bairn Morgana, through and through. No one makes you shine like this one does."

I couldn't help but beam at her description, even if I was still on the fence about whether I needed to rein in my emotions around others or not.

"There's an opia every time your eyes meet, I can feel it from here. I have a daughter like you, a bit older. Trust me, it doesn't matter who you lose, living your truth is the most important thing in the world. It tops everything. Kingdoms, Friends, and even family. Love conquers all to be heard."

My hands slowed on the ball of dough I was working on as I took in her words of wisdom. Everything she said sounded so straight forward and made perfect sense, but I just couldn't imagine a world where this would ever be accepted. That is what I would want, although the fear of losing the respect of my beloved father had been heightened since King Maudred's passing.

"You should've seen Lex's face the eve of Prince Mattheus' proposal. She tumbled into the kitchens in a sulk, and looked like she'd seen a ghost, the poor lamb."

I was surprised, Lex wasn't the best at hiding her emotions, but I didn't think she'd be that public with them.

"She explained she felt unwell and couldn't sit through dinner, and I didn't have any reason not to believe her. That was until we saw you arm in arm with your betrothed, and her face turned the dust colour it had done earlier all over again."

I put my head in my hands and sighed, a cloud of flour blooming around me as I moved. I wished there was a way I could prevent all this, but Pat was right. Someone was going to get hurt, whether is be Lex or my father, the idea of losing either was such a massive burden.

"I'm stuck Pat, I don't feel like I have the freedom to make a decision in which would be fair for everyone involved."

She pulled me into a hug after noticing the tears brimming in my eyes, and hushed me kindly.

"You don't, but that's just life my Lady. Trust that everything will work out in the long run, and you will be ok."

After a few more seconds, I pulled away, wiping my eyes and smiling at her. She had definitely been the most motherly figure to me out of all after my own Queen Genevieve, eternally grateful was the only way to describe the way I felt towards the lovable woman.

I splashed some water on my face from the basin and returned to my bread making duties, finally feeling peaceful in the repetitive activity.