The Unnaturals . Book 2

Part 16 Interwoven Lives

chapter 17

Interwoven lives and Interlaced Feelings

The day went by in giddy excitement but in the darkness of the night , Duke went back to that morning.

'We made love again ..' he thought and grew hot and flushed .

He smiled and closed his eyes .

" But in their place came fear and shame ...... " he jolted awake .

Why did he have to remember these words now ? He sat up and stared out of his window .

It was pitch dark outside and deathly quiet .

"fear and shame ... fear and shame .... "

Some one was shaking his shoulder and caressing his hair .

' Avishekh !! Wake up ... Babushona .. Your tutor is waiting for you .. You're very late today .'

Duke turned his bleary eyes to Shyama .

' Mmmfm .. what time is it ?' he asked as he sat up clutching his head .

' It's 8.30 .. get up ... how much longer will you sleep ? You're late for your tutor .' she said as she shook his shoulder again .

Duke shot up . " Oh god ! I missed our date in the field today !!" he thought in a panic .

He'd slept through his 5 am alarm .

Shyama took out fresh clothes for him and lay them on the bed .

'Go quickly , take a bath . I'll put your breakfast here . I'll inform your tutor that you'll be there in 15 minutes . Hurry now .. go ! '

Shyama pushed Duke out of the room and he sprinted into the bathroom .

He had no idea when he'd dropped off the night before.

Fear and shame .. just these two words had erased everything else that happened between them from his mind . It felt as if he was back to square one . The questions had returned , doubly powerful . 

"Why ? Why do I have to feel this way ? Why can't I be normal ? Am I a mistake of nature ?"

" Maybe I was meant to be a girl ? But that can't be right ? Then what about Piku ? He feels the same way, doesn't he ? What about him then ?"

" Why couldn't I feel something for girls ? Why didn't I feel anything when I looked at the naked pictures of girls with Nando ? "

" What's wrong with me ? .... Why am I like this ? "

" How will I face Baba and Ma ? How will He ? What will happen to us ? "

Fear and shame ... he hiccupped and started heaving ... the old , familiar pain had built up again .. they were crashing against the fragile barriers he'd shored up with his newfound confidence in their union .

It was pitch dark outside and pitch dark inside .

When the tears came .. he heaved and gasped out . Tried to draw in a painful breath through his throat which was refusing to open up .

His heart started thudding , racing , as if he'd been running . He felt as if there were hounds of hell snapping at his feet . He couldn't move . Trembling uncontrollably , he lay in bed , wheezing and  crying . His pillow grew wet with his tears and snot .

He felt paralyzed with some unknown terror . He gasped and thrashed around , sweat pouring out of him , drenching his bedsheet . Hacking shallow breaths whistled in and out of his chest .