The Bearing

1. The Secret

I'm pregnant. How can it be that I'm pregnant? I've taken three tests. There they sit now, mocking me in silence. I was so, so careful. My first thought: I cannot let him destroy the life I have built for myself.

And I had such a fantastic plan: I was to obtain the best career I could. Do you know how difficult that was? I'm a woman, a single, unmarried woman. I had to work tirelessly to prove myself, constantly ensuring I was dressed appropriately, never too loud but spoke up when necessary, displayed modest cleverness... everything. Now, I am working for the wretched government I secretly hate and outwardly love. That's where I met him. The man, the legend, the leader himself: Chief of State Robert Richards. What a perfect life he lived, right? With his far younger, gracefully elegant, perfect-in-every-way wife, Dorothy, and their two well-mannered children whom I swear are actually robots. If his life was so perfect, why did he feel the need to defile me?

I try not to think about that night. I was working late. He entered my office, already taking off his tie. "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you actually are, Leah?" 

I replied quietly and respectfully, as I was supposed to do.

"Thank you, sir."

"No, really..."

He started taking off his belt buckle in the dim light.

I saw his expression harden as he approached me. He held my chin in his hand and forced his lips towards mine.

"Sir, this is inappropriate..." I tried pulling away, but he wouldn't let me.

"Chief Richards, please let go of me. Stop." He pushed his face even harder against mine, biting my lip until it bled.

I let my mind go blank after that, trying to not think about the feeling of my skirt being yanked down, strong hands pushing me to the floor, and having him inside me.

I wish we lived 300 years ago, in 2022. Back then, maybe something could have been done to lead us away from the path we strayed towards. Something could have been done to allow abortion and fix America's increasing debt to China. But no. Instead, I'm stuck with these positive tests and an automatic prison (or death) sentence, for I am forbidden to have a child outside of wedlock. My sanctity is violated, according to Statute 360 of the New Order: If an unmarried woman has a child outside of wedlock, she has violated her sanctity and must marry the father or be imprisoned and possibly killed post-birth.

Now what? The father of my cursed, unborn fetus is not only Chief of State of Americhinsia, but married with two kids. Now, I need to leave. I need to run for my life. He's going to find out. I'll start to show, and people will start asking questions. "Who's the father? When is the wedding?" I cannot go to work anymore. What am I going to do?

"Argh!" I stare up and yell at my ceiling in frustration. "God, why would you do this to me?!" Tears start streaming down my face. "I did everything I could..." I whimper in despair. I prepared my life for adopting a child, as stated by Statute 240: Any woman unmarried by 25 must adopt a child on her own to prevent overcrowding while keeping her sanctity. . Even with the forced adoption, it's still overcrowded and packed to the maximum. The State had to allocate more funds to the National Orphans Foundation.

I knew how awful adoption homes were. Hell, I lived there! Those bland, eggshell-colored walls crawling with mold, disease, insects, and God knows what else. I can still remember the screaming and crying of the children being beaten for misbehavior. The only ray of light in that place was my best friend, a girl named Mary Horserace, formerly Gaff, and they took her away from me. Her memory brings me nothing but pain; I hope she's doing okay. We're around the same age. I wonder if she's married. She probably is. After all, what women nowadays are single at 25? Me. I decided it would be so. I turn 25 in 4 months. I could never allow myself to bring children into this cruel world. And yet, I still couldn't succeed at my plan.

My mind starts racing. Who will keep my dangerous secret? I don't have any trusted friends, and even then, they'd all work for the government, too. Ok, so I'm on my own. If he finds out, I will be forced to birth his child, then be killed in secret to prevent his shame, while my child is passed off as his own. I've heard that it's been done before - rumors circulating around the workplace, but rumors, you'll often find, are true. I can't risk it if they're true. Why did I have to look like Richards's wife? It would be so believable. Most of all, why must I have to be bearing his child?

What are my options?

I try to get an abortion, despite the fact that it's completely illegal across the United Federation of Americhinsia. Even if I manage to accomplish this, then I have to worry about getting caught and killed for my crime.

I run away to have my baby and return, while keeping the child a secret. Wouldn't people ask questions? Where would I say I went for months? How would my child even see the sun? What if the baby stays up crying all night and the neighbors hear? This is even riskier than option 1.

Tell a man I'm pregnant, have him pretend he's the father, and marry him. This is by far the safest option, but the least possible, given that all the men I know either work in government or are married already.

Looks like I'll be going with option 1. Where can I get an abortion? I grab my lightweight glass smartphone and start typing in the search bar.

Where can I-

I stop immediately, fingers frozen in midair. They track us at all times. That's why they had to do away with those menstrual cycle trackers. They'll see this search, and the UFA officials will come for me.

I slam my hand on my head for not thinking of this sooner. I finish typing a fake sentence.

-find Chinese food for dinner?

and hit search, praying the URA doesn't already know my secret.