The Bearing

11. The Dream

I find myself somewhere unfamiliar. No... wait. I know this place. I run my fingertips along the eggshell walls, staring into the endless hallway of darkness. A single dim, flickering light hovers above me on the short ceiling. Faintly, children play in a distant room. An internal instinct tells me to follow the sound. I walk briskly to the end of the hallway and push open a wooden door with termites gnawing at its edge.

Sitting crisscrossed on the dirtied navy blue rug is a teenage girl scribbling on a piece of paper with a concentrated expression. She wears simple denim shorts and a purple t-shirt, donning black hair styled into a pixie cut. Other children run around and play in the room with model houses and simple building blocks together while teenagers gabber away at the tables.

Suddenly, I know exactly where I am - in a memory. I'm back at the adoption home.

Drawn towards the girl sitting all by her lonesome, I approach her cautiously, so as not to frighten her. She looks up curiously at me, questioning my motives for coming to talk to her.

"Can I help you?" she asks.

"What are you doing?" I kindly question her. "Can I join?"

Taken aback, her eyes widen in surprise, then turn up at the corners, transforming into a smile. "Yes, of course. I'm playing tic-tac-toe. It's more fun with someone else, but you learn to play by yourself, then you get really good." There's a slightly sad tone to her voice. "I'll let you go first. I usually win these games anyway," she says confidently but not with cockiness.

I sit down next to her and draw an O on the center of the paper. "So, what's your name? " I ask, hoping to make a new friend. "My name is Leah Heartbeat. You must be new. Are you a transfer?"

"No, I'm not a transfer. I'm Mary Horserace. That's my new name." She rolls her shining dark eyes in irritation. "All the kids here call me Horseface for it."

"Why? You're so pretty!" I exclaim, partially in jealousy but mostly in awe of her beauty. Her dark skin and cropped black hair make her different from all the other children. She simply does not fit the mold into which everyone tries to shape us. How have I never noticed her before? Maybe the adoption home was too crowded; still, Mary stood out like a shining rainbow in a gray sky.

She shrugs, drawing an X above my O on the paper. "Who knows why people do anything? To feel better about themselves, probably. It's not like my old name was any better. Mary Gaff, ugh." She sticks out her tongue in repulsion.

I draw an O to the right of my previous O. "Old name?" Children at the orphanage were given a name upon arrival. It's impossible to have a previous name.

"Yeah. I'm a special circumstance here, which is most likely another reason the kids here see me as an outcast." She draws an X to the left of the center O. "I was actually given up by my birth parents. They sent me here about a few months ago. For reference, I'm sixteen. That's why you've never seen me before. I'm new." She states such serious information so plainly, without emotion, as if she's already come to terms with her loss.

I glance away from her, unsure of what to say, then focus on the game, trying to get a diagonal win by drawing an O in the bottom right corner. "I'm sixteen too...I'm sorry. I can't imagine what that must feel like." I manage to say. "What happened?" That might have been too much. "I-I-I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I didn't mean -I don't want to pry..." I stutter with embarrassment, especially because I was being so blunt to someone so attractive.

She draws an X in the upper left corner to counter my attempt. "Don't sweat it. I'm..." she hesitates, unsure of how to complete her sentence with the correct words. "...a little strange. My parents spent years suspecting me of my anomaly, and it finally came to light when I was thirteen. They gave me three years to fix it myself, with their assistance, and it didn't work. Then, they found themselves pregnant with a third child, and they asked the court if they could give up a child they already had." Despite her blank expression, her eyes begin to tear up. "As hard as I tried, I couldn't change, and I am a disgrace to my family. They'd rather have a baby, a new child, free of defects." She purses her lips and stares down at the tic-tac-toe board, unable to maintain eye contact, struggling to keep up her tough exterior.