Say Hello to the Stars

Chapter Sixteen

"Forget what Julie said. You were great!"

"I was a laughing stock, Johnathan. It was like I was a ghost who's seen the future. This was never a good idea, and you know it. You just wanted me to build confidence so you could talk to me at school without being looked at as odd."

"That is so not true. Can you get your face out of that pillow so that I can talk to you? It's very hard to be comforting when I'm talking to your back."

Cold air hits me as I turn around. Tears stream down my face like a flowing river. "Why did I do this?"

"Annabel, you did this so you could change. You wanted to beat this anxiety, and win." He wraps his arms around my waist. "You wanted to be someone who could fix herself. But right now, you're as broken as my old grandfather clock."

"I wish I was someone else. Someone who could talk to everyone and feel nothing but happiness. I don't want to fear conversation. I don't want to exclude myself in everything. I don't want to be this person I've become."

Johnathan's eyes twinkle. "Then change it. Go, find yourself. Be who you want to be. But don't forget your roots. Don't forget where you started. Don't forget me."

I rock on the backs of my heels. "It's not like I'm going to leave anyone behind."

His eyes tell the story I've been waiting to hear. That it's going to be okay. That he's going to be fine if I leave. He'll be okay when I'm gone.

"I love you," I whisper. The words spill out so quickly, I can't contemplate them.
But it's true. I do love him. Not in a romantic way, or a brotherly way. Just in a new way altogether.

He breathes. "I love you too, Annabel. I love you too."

We stand there for what feels like hours, up until the moment Andy comes home from work. We all eat and laugh, like nothing ever happened. Nothing did happen. Everything is the same, yet the world is so much clearer.