Say Hello to the Stars

Chapter Fifteen: Auditions

"Anne, wake up! Today is the big day!"

I grumble under the sheets. Do I have to do this?
Andy bursts through the door and begins pulling me by the feet. My body slides off the bed in one huge lump. A loud grumble escapes my lips.

"You weren't going to get out of bed anyways," He says. "Now get up! Auditions are in a few hours!"

"They're after school, so I don't have to go if I don't want to." I grasp for the sheets; all I want to do is curl up and hide from my responsibilities.

"Annabel Ayana Farewell, you will go to school and audition or I swear I'll take away your computer for a month."

I smirk. "Go ahead, it's not like your taking my happiness away. I still have books, and I doubt you'd take away my bookshelf. Bet you can't even lift it if you tried."

He rolls his eyes. "Just get ready. We leave in half an hour."

Andy struts out of the room, leaving me laying on the floor. The things I wouldn't give for superpowers right now. Blindly getting ready, I barely hear the car horn blaring in the driveway. My backpack flies into my hands as I burst through the front door and hop into the car.

Johnathan sits in the backseat, since he let Andy drive for once. The two of them are blaring Taylor Swift's 'Enchanted.' Their karaoke is about as bad as my socializing. I cover my ears and try to sing the correct lyrics over them.

The only flaw is that I realized that once I started, I was the only voice audible. And I can't sing to save my life. My mouth automatically shuts, and those are the last words spoken. Gravel crackles on the road as we drive through, like raindrops hitting the ceiling.

I'm thankful for the silence. It's familiar; even welcoming. Sometimes I wish I never had to live with anxiety. Except, in this moment, I accept it. It's shaped me into being the person I am today, and without it, I'm lost.

The panic attacks will never get easier, and I get that. It's unexpected, and sometimes I don't know why I'm screaming on the inside. But it's my life. It's just an ordinary thing that I have to live with forever. I just hope I can learn to control it.

Andy pulls up by the school and the three of us go out separate ways. Normally we'd walk together, but Andy and Johnathan have to go to football drills. The season ended months ago, but every now and then they get called back to do drills, if they're going to stay on the team. Keeps them in shape, I suppose.

I head to the bathroom and sit on one of the stalls. It's easier being in a small and enclosed space then it is to be out there, wandering the halls while everyone stares at you. I would've headed to the library, but it's currently packed with seniors. If you ask me, I'd rather take a bullet. They'd chew me up and spit me out with one menacing glare.

-

Gym class isn't so bad, if you learn to accept it. Sure, I may have an extreme case of butterfingers, but that doesn't stop me from trying to catch a dodgeball that's hurtling towards me at 500mph. And even though I'm curled in a fetal position, doesn't mean I'm not participating. It just shows how I create obstacles for the other players.

"I bet she sleeps like that." Someone mutters.

I look up, and a blast of cold air hits me. A shiver is sent down my spine as I see a huge, bulky girl glowering at me.

The girl cackles. "Oh look at that, she's scared."

I roll my eyes. Just ignore them, school ends in ten minutes. 

Everyone exits to the locker rooms, but I just through my jacket over my gym clothes. I'm not the biggest fan of my body. In fact, I don't even show skin when I'm in this school. Long sweaters and skinny jeans have become my safe haven. Plus, comfort is always nice.

The school bell rings out, but the day isn't over yet.

Auditions run smoothly for the most part. Before Jules even stepped up on the stage, she was guaranteed a part of some sort. She, obviously, went for the role of Alice. No one dared to go against her, except me. It felt like the punchline for a bad joke.

When I was up on stage, I was physically shaking.

"It's alright Ms. Farewell. You may begin at any time you feel comfortable."

I take a few deep breaths. I can do this. The boy speaking the other parts shoots a small 'thumbs up' at me.
"Take some more tea," he says earnestly.

My voice flows like a river. "I've had nothing yet, so I can't take more."

"You mean you can't take less," Jake spits back. "it's very easy to take more than nothing."

"Nobody asked your opinion." I murmur.

Jake stops and looks at me. I take a deep breath; everything is silent.

Julie bursts out into laughter. "I never knew she could talk, let alone sign up for the lead role in a play!"

Mrs. Hyler deducts a few points from Julie's score before looking up at me. She smiles politely, "That was lovely Annabel. I'll be sure to keep you in mind for the role."

I nod as I walk off stage. I blew it.