First of all, here's the link to the playlist I'm going to rant about: https://feelthemusi.com/playlist/42qqqk
My Epiphany
I decided at 7:04 PM on Saturday, September 10, 2022, to create a playlist that I can listen to while defecating. Why did I decide to do this? Well, I had just been listening to some Rossini and Handel while having semi-diarrhea. I thought to myself, "Why don't I make a playlist out of this so that I don't have to search up my shitting music in the future?"
You see, I prefer to take giant dumps with some exhilarating music playing. However, I always have to pay the price when I engage in such a scholarly activity. Either YouTube has far too many ads, Spotify has far too many ads, or—well, you get the gist. Ads are the bane of my existence. What could I do besides create a playlist on the one and only Musi?
Musi has not a single ad that interrupts the musical experience. Each ad is very subtle. A gripping Candy Crush advertisement might fade into the bottom of your screen or play silently in the background, but it will never disrupt the absolute joy of taking a massive shit to some of Mozart's best work.
Naturally, I began arranging my playlist immediately.
My Playlist-Making Process (& Tips)
1. Use Musi (obviously). It's free, and all of the music is sourced directly from YouTube.
2. Keep it classy. This is a shitting playlist, so it must be refined. Picture what a Harvard professor would listen to while reading the newspaper if you're having difficulty associating elegance with excreting stool from your rectum.
3. Add a mixture of musical works. They can all be within the same genre, but there must be some variety. Choose some pieces that you know and some that are unfamiliar to you. Some can be upbeat, but others should be slow and depressing to add contrast. Also, shuffle your playlist. This all creates a more unpredictable (and thrilling) shitting experience.
4. Pick music that you like. The goal here is to make yourself love defecating so much that your family will start wondering why you spend all day in the bathroom.
5. Be proud of this playlist. Be ready to show it off to anyone who brings up the niche concept of listening to ostentatious music during a visit to the defecation station. What's the point of shitting to something if you aren't ready to discuss it with anyone and everyone?
6. Give your playlist a lovely name that also leaves nothing to the imagination. If someone accidentally stumbles across your shitting playlist, you don't want to mislead them with your title. Let them know that they're supposed to take shits to your handcrafted playlist. Then, if they actually continue to listen to it, you know they're a person of utmost grace (just like you are).
7. Make your playlist agonizingly long in case you're undergoing some subpar intestinal events. If you're having explosive diarrhea, you don't want your shitting playlist to restart a third of the way through your unfortunate situation. Mine is currently 10 hours and 1 minute long, which is most likely plenty of time to either squeeze out a few constipated rocks or unleash a hellish inferno of liquid waste.
8. Give your playlist an enticing cover. Again, you don't want to give people the wrong idea. Your playlist is about shitting, and you're not going to hide it! Choose any photo that you feel truly represents the shittiness of your playlist. For a very good example, I used this wonderful photo for mine:
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