Bullet Shaped Heart

015.

-Liliana-

My earliest memory, one I treasure deeply simply because its the first thing I have stored. Logan and were standing in our parents' dressing room.

I had space buns in my hair and his was pretty long. It wasn't that long just not the neatly trimmed look he usually had. Used to have.

We were about three, dressed in matching outfits and fighting over a pair of white glasses we picked up at the gas station.

Our parents were trying to take pictures of us for the photo album they were making together.

I have a photographic memory. Some may say its a gift, but I believe it to be a curse. I can see things in my mind. I can relive moments good and bad.

I don't remember the details of hearing how my brother died.

I remember hearing, 'He passed away, Liliana. I'm sorry.' I don't really remember how I reacted or who was there.

Maybe I nodded and locked myself in a room while I cried away a puddle of tears. Maybe I screamed. Maybe I was in denial. Maybe I didn't believe it when I heard it.

'He passed away, Liliana. I'm sorry.'

I don't recall anything that happened afterwards. Maybe the next day although its kind of a blur, but on the day I heard that sentence, 'He passed away, Liliana. I'm sorry.' I don't remember anything afterward. Nothing.

My brain blocked out all the memories. I can feel things missing from my life too. Little pieces of him just drifting away one at a time.

First, I was confused about the color of his eyes, although mine and his were the same. I looked in the mirror and stared for so long the sun had come down.

I could see him in my memory, but his eyes weren't his. They were my eyes morphed into his face. Even if they were identical I knew it wasn't what I was used to looking at, although I didn't know what it was I was used to looking at.

Second, His voice in my head became faint. I could hear it, but it sounded like someone was whispering from miles away.

Third, His laugh kind of stuck the longest. I'd replay videos of him laughing for hours. The sound made me feel safe.

He was my brother. My twin brother. We completed each other in every way we knew how. I never expected to live without him.

A twin is someone you're born with. Someone who has been holding your hand ever since the very moment you opened your eyes and saw the world.

I think I remember Amelia suggesting I go to therapy. I laughed at her for 10 minutes straight. They thought I had brain damage.

Amelia and Marcus tried to get me to talk instead. We sat in room for hours in silence on my end.

'How did that make you feel?'
'Are you sure you're okay?'
'Liliana, your brother died you're allowed to grieve."

I didn't answer a single one of their questions. I erased every trace of my brother. Every single one. Every record of him ever walking the earth was gone.

On paper, I was an only child. Not someone whose brother was shot in the head. An only child.

The Bronze Dragon deserved to die brutally. He took away my brother.

I didn't want to just physically kill him, I wanted to kill someone he cared about. I wanted him to die inside out.

"Liliana!" A voice sounded dragging me out of my thoughts.