Passed out

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warnings: struggling with low self esteem/body image. if you're easily triggered by that i recommend you skip this one. also wanted to let you know that everyone is freaking beautiful and nobody should hide their bodies <3

It was another sweltering hot day in the Outer Banks. It would be a perfect day to go surfing but instead you wanted to spend the whole day inside. You weren't a summer person. You liked warm weather but this heat was just extreme. Wich also came with your insecurities.

It wasn't that you hated your body it was just that you wish you could change some things. If you looked at Kie or Sarah, you found yourself being a little jealous of their legs or abs. And with this weather it was impossible to cover some things up.

When the Pogues texted in the group chat and decided to spend the day on the HMS all day, you were a little hesitant. It wasn't that you were so insecure you couldn't wear a bikini, but whenever you were with your friends on the boat you felt kind of disappointed and sad. Sad that they had a beautiful body and you didn't feel like you had that too.

But it was too hot inside so you were desperate to go for a swim and be on the open water. You changed into your bikini with a shirt and shorts. After an hour the Pogues picked you up.

Usually if you stepped into the boat, JJ would hold out his hand for you to hold on to, but today you noticed he was sitting really close to Kie. You swallowed. You and JJ weren't dating but still really close, probably closer than with the others. And since a few months you've been quenstioning if everything you felt for him was just friendship. But of course you were too scared to confess anything to him.

As the time went on you noticed that they continued to be suspiciously close. JJ barely talked to you while normally you two talked and laughed every minute you were together. You felt an stinging pain in your chest and already regretted coming. Maybe it would've been better if you just stayed in your house all day.

As the time went on it got hotter and hotter. Once in a while you all jumped in the water to cool off. You just dried yourself with a towel and put your shirt on again when JJ approached you. All the others were still in the water. "Here." He handed you a bottle of water.

"I'm not thirsty." You lied, you were thirsty but you were just upset with him and yourself. "But you haven't drinken anything and it's very warm so you need to drink." Your heart warmed a little that he noticed. "I think I'm good." Before he could say anything you walked to the other end of the boat to grab your book, hoping you could read a little.

After some time you still hadn't drinken or eaten anything. JJ and Kie continued to sit really close and whisper things and laugh a little too loud about what the other said, and you were just done with it. You looked at her body and then yours and this time, you might've hated the way you looked.

"Who wants another sandwich?" Sarah asked the group. "Me!" John B said immediately. "JB you already got like 4" Pope laughed. You were laying on your back with your eyes closed, but still felt a pair of eyes on you. When you looked to your right you saw JJ looking at you. He knew you hadn't eaten anything. You sighed and turned your head again.

When you dove into the water again you felt a little dizzy and weak. You tried to ignore it and just keep swimming, but you had no strength. "I'm gonna lay down for a bit" you said. "Already? We just got in" Kie asked. You nodded.

Laying down, you closed your eyes. A headache started coming up and you got really hot. At this point you really wanted to go home, but you didn't want John B to turn the whole boat around and ruin their afternoon just so you could go home.

"I really think you should eat something." A voice startled you. You shot up to see JJ standing next to you. He was soaking wet so he probably just got out of the water. With his wet hair he looked pretty handsome. However, you still refused his suggestion. "I'm fine J, thanks."

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