𝟎𝟎𝟐.

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feel free to use as a starter!

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feel free to use as a starter!


guilt  was  quite  the  funny  and  unusual  thing.   max  had  experienced  her  fair  share  of  it  throughout  her  life,  even  if  her  sarcastic  front  was  to  pretend  she  had  no  remorse  or  regrets  for  the  things  she  said  and  did.   she  definitely  did.   but  even  stranger  was  the  survivor  guilt.   flashbacks  and  nightmares  and  visions  of  billy  dying  before  her  eyes  over  and  over  and  over  again.   because  of  her.   she  could  have  ran to  him,  she  could  have  helped  him,  she  could  have  saved him.   hell,  if  she  was  even  the  slightest  bit  a  decent  sister,  she  should  have  noticed  something  was  wrong  with  him  way  before  she  did.   this  ate  her  alive  with  guilt.   how  she  contributed  to  billy's  death  and  just  let  him  die.   but  somehow,  it  wasn't  even  the  worst  of  it.   worse  than  the  survivor  guilt  was  the  guilt  over  grieving.   max  had  hated  billy.   he  made  her  life  hell  and  he  was  a  piece  of  shit.   admitting  that  she  had  sometimes  prayed  for  him  to  die?   she  had  no  right  to  grieve  her  stepbrother.   to  push  her  friends  away  in  the  name  of  the  grief  and  wallow  in  self  pity  like  she  was.   she  felt  guilty  for  surviving,  yes,  but  she  felt  much worse  for  acting  like  this  truly  hurt  her, when  she  didn't  deserve to feel  this  grief.

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hi interrupting your regularly scheduled
angst to pop this quick psa in! i'd like to
give some partial credit to vicious
[ ahoytrps ] for a bit of how these starters
/ little oneshots are set up and organized!
definitely trying my best to give them (and
my entire smbq) their own spark, but also
it's important to give credit where it is due
and i definitely drew some inspiration
from their amazing && beautiful smbq
for steve :)

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