Kissing the Hater (BxB)

CH 10 - Confessing

"I like you!" I cried. I could feel his grip loosen and I dropped to the ground. Tears started forming again in my eyes. I was fed up with how emotional I was. I felt so inferior.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused. 

"You know exactly what I mean," I said as my sadness turned into anger. I was angry with myself for giving in and falling for someone who was far beyond my reach. 

"You like me? Are you fucking gay? Look, whatever your feelings are I don't swing that way. So just forget about it. I'll stop addressing you in ways other than your name. And I think it's good if we kept a distance so those feelings don't go too far". I was devastated even though I knew this would happen. 

"Then why did you act like that? We did sexual things, and you pushed it. Why? Were you really just trying to annoy me by going that far?".

"Look I know I shouldn't have acted like that. I was just trying to tease you. I don't know where the line is. I'm sorry, this is my fault." he said as he turned around, leaving me on the floor completely broken. I had no energy to reply so I stayed sat there for a while as I realized what I had done. Tyler was the only one who would ever willingly talk to me. Even if it was teasing me or hurting me, he paid attention to me. I wasn't invisible for once. But now that was all going to go. 

I stood up slowly and walked home. My head felt too heavy to lift up. Once I reached home, I went straight to bed. I wasn't able to cry anymore as I was already completely drained from emotion. But there's no reason I should cry. I should just focus on my future and forget what had happened. One thing I didn't know was if I was actually gay. I opened up my laptop and searched if I was. 

Noting that helped came up but then I saw a test. I didn't know how accurate it would be but I figured it would give me some sort of idea. The first question asked if I had a girlfriend. I laughed at myself inside as I was a complete virgin with the inability to talk to girls. The second question asked how I'd react if my best friend confessed to me. I never had a best friend but the closest I could think of was Hyeong from my last school. He was very handsome and kind to me so I wouldn't mind if he confessed to me and I would probably accept it. 

The questions kept going and I answered honestly though some were quite questionable. One question asked if I had ever had erotic dreams about men. I've never had erotic dreams about men but I have thought erotically about Tyler. I blushed at the thought but then remembered that I was supposed to forget about him. Yet that was almost impossible to do. 

I continued with the test and finally got my results. 'Your Gay!' is what the screen showed. I stared in shock. I tried redoing the test but the same thing came up. I tried doing other tests and the answer was always the same. Without knowing how to feel, I closed the laptop and buried my face into my pillow. I felt slightly embarrassed but I had no idea why. All I knew was that for others to accept me I had to accept myself. I didn't know if I should tell my parents but it felt way too soon. I was quite a confident person so I could tell them but I didn't want to rush myself. I also didn't know a hundred percent if I was gay, so I kept it to myself.

I went down for dinner and for the first time in a while, we sat as a family. It was quiet and awkward so I had to break the silence. Once I did, conversations kept going. Noah, my older brother had come from work early today and sat down to eat with us. He wore a suspicious smile on his face. I was worried he was going to pull a prank on me or something. 

 My day became much better by just coming home. Though I was still unable to get Tyler out of my mind. I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully once again.