Pain of the Whispers

Chapter 24

After a couple of minutes of sobbing hard, I slowly pull away from Red. 

      Tears didn't flood down my cheeks like they were earlier. 

     A few tears still fell down my cheeks, but Red wipes them away. 

      I look at Red, taking in every detail about him while I still can. Red looks so concerned about me that it breaks my heart that I have to put him through this. But I had no one to go to, I had no one to tell this to that would understand. Red is someone I trust with my life and all my secrets with. I know I could tell him anything, but this might be the end of that all. Red asks as he tilts my chin up to look him in the eyes. "Please Rice, tell me what's going on?" I take a deep breath as I begin to tell him what happened. I tell him all the emotions that I have been feeling, all the questions, all the thoughts, even the horror ones. When I was done telling him, his expression was unreadable. 

     Red looks shock, confused, angry, but most of all bitter. I feel my heart break at his expression, he was angry at me. Red stands up as he throws his arms around. "I knew I should have never listened to you when you said to stay in the Row house. If I was there I could of stopped you from doing it!" I gulp as I ask. "You're not scared of me?" Red stops flaring his arms in the air as he says. "No, why would I be?" I weep as I stare at the ground and say in shame. "Because I killed a poor innocent man." Red roared. "It is not your fault you did it, it's that bat of a woman in that castle's fault! She made you do it, you have no choice in it!" I choke on my spit as I say. "Red I did have a choice and I chose to kill him!" Red snarled. "It's that's woman's fault, not yours Rice. She's probably the reason why you have those voices, especially the murderous one! All those questions you have is there because you are so afraid to ask them, because she made you afraid of her!" I cover my ears and cry out. "Red stop blaming it on her, it's my fault and we both know it! How could she even control the voice? You're making things up!" Red shouts. "She's a monster! How don't you realize this, Rice?" 

     I knew this would come up one day, it's the main reason why I brought the gun. I drop my hands from my ears, my fingers slide under my long shirt to my waist band. I pull the old but small hand pistol out, Red's eyes flare up with panic. I get on my knees, kneeling up high in front of him as I yank his wrist. I flip the gun in my other hand as I shove the gun into his hands. I grab the end of the gun tip as I place It on my forehead. If Red feared I would kill him, and Mother wasn't proud no matter what I did. 

    Why should I carry on with this life? 

      I said as my teeth gritting hard against each other, a single tear slides down my cheek. "I know you're afraid of me, and I'm a failure to Mother. I don't want to kill anyone else, please Red."

 I stare up into his eyes as I said. "Kill me."