The Card

The doubts

Life seemed to really take off for us again. Happy, is finally a word I would use to describe myself again. Things with me and Emily are going great. She talkes to me and has let her walls down. I was able to work through my trauma from Paul and Emilys death. I felt like myself again. As close as it is possible to who I used to be before all this.
But then that one day comes along, that seems so threatning to all of this.

"Hey love?", I say as I enter the living room. Emily is sitting on the couch with a book in her hand.
"Hm?", she asks and looks up.
"I have bad news", I sigh and sit down next to her.
"Our landlord called, he wants to renovate the whole building and in order for him to do that we have to be out in the next three months", I explain to her.
"That means we have to look for a new place. But...since this place is perfect for us, not to far from my clinic and your office, I asked him if it was possible to move back in after the building is done. He said yes but...he wants to sell the aparments, so we'd have to buy it", I explain further and watch her reaction closly. I bite my lip nervously as this was a big question. For me it was clear that I want to spend the rest of my life with her and buying a place together would actually make me feel more secure. But I knew that for her this could be a scary thing.

And as I watch her she confirms my fears. Her guards go immidiatly up and she starts chewing on her nails.
"I don't know", she says.
I know her well enough to know that now she will list all the things that speak against it.
"I mean, we have to find a new place anyways while they are renovating. So we'd have to move out anyways which is alot of work but then do it again once they are done here. Wouldn't it be easier to just find a new place?", she asks.

I look at her for a moment and sigh then.
"Em, that's not it. You were never one to be reluctant to move", I say and watch her reaction. She looks nervous and unsure.
"You do not want to buy an aparment with me", I then state and her eyes tell me how right I am.
"Wow", I say and let out a shaky breath.
I rub my hands on my jeans and try to keep my emotions in check.
"Everything was going so well, I thought after all these months our relationship had moved in that direction", I say quietly.
"No y/n, it has. Trust me it has", Emily says quickly, taking my hand.
"Clearly not", I say, pulling away.
"So what do you want, seperat aparments again? Was this too fast?",I ask and swallow my fear.
Emily looks down and takes a deep breath.

"I want to leave", she says quietly.
I turn towards her and look at her in shock.
"You what?", I ask, pain rising in me.
"You want to leave? Are you serious? Now that finally this all feels somewhat normal again you are breaking up with me?", I ask.
"No! No I don't want to break up with you. That's not what I am trying to say", Emily quickly say, panic in her voice.
"Then what are you trying to say?", I ask her frustrated.
"I...ever since I came back, there is this void in me. I try desperatly to dock onto my old life. But somehow nothing is working and I feel so out of place. It feels like a need a fresh start and I cannot do that here, not with all the memories", Emily explains and I feel tears sting in my eyes.
"But I want that fresh start with you, y/n", she adds and takes my hands into hers.
"You are the one thing that makes me feel like I do fit. I know that my place is right beside you...but everything else around us just feels, wrong", she says and ends quietly.

I wipe my tears away and take her face into my hands.
"Where do you want to go then?", I ask gently.
"I don't know, maybe overseas", she shrugs with a pained expression.
"Oh wow, that far", I say a bit surprised.
"Yeah...I know that this is something huge to ask from you, that's why I did not say anything...I understand if you do not want to", Emily says.
I need a moment to sort my thought out but then I give her a soft kiss.
"I told you I'd never let you go again. I'll follow you anywhere", I then says. My chest feels all warm and I smile brightly at her. The choice had been so easy, there was no other option.
"Y/n are you sure? This is a big thing. You'd leave your clinic, friends and family behind", Emily says.
"I can always get a new job and in this day and age phones and planes exist, so I can still see and visit family and friends", I say and wink at her.
"Are you sure?", she asks again.
"Absolutly", I nod and kiss her again. Emily pulls me close and I feel all the tension fall off of her.
"Oh thank god", she says happily.