When Life Gives You Sherbet Lemons

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They rushed down a slanting funnel, yelling and screaming. Harry’s voice was complemented by Logan’s tenor and Niall’s bass, but in the cavernous tube they descended, their efforts blended into a ghostly choir.

After agonising seconds in free fall, the shaft evened out to something more horizontal. It then bent upwards, catapulting the three men through the air in a gentle arc, and with thumps and groans they landed on hard ground.

There was complete silence for half a minute.

Harry grunted as he got up. ‘Any bones broken?’ His eyes strained to distinguish anything in the gloom around him.

‘I’m whole, I think,’ Logan moaned a few feet away.

‘Niall?’ Harry called. ‘Niall!’

Harry’s heart beat faster and his arms flailed trying to find Niall’s body. 

An annoyed voice barked behind him:

‘What in God’s flipping bollocks is going on here?’

‘Thank goodness,’ Harry sighed and helped Niall to his feet.

Logan’s hunched figure hobbled back to the duct from where they came. He stepped through the tunnel until it was too steep to climb, then looked up and shouted:

‘Moira! Are you there? Moira!’ His words ricocheted back and died away.

‘It’s no use,’ said Niall. ‘She’s a bloody impostor and we fell into her trap.’

‘Good God!’ said Logan. ‘What could they have done to Moira?’

‘Nothing,’ said Harry. ‘Apparently, Moira is an accomplished witch. She cast quite the powerful spell.’

‘Good God!’ said Logan again.

Niall sneered. ‘Come off it, men. These are frightening circumstances, to be sure, but we need to accept that Moira has been kidnapped and some lunatic is dressed up like her.’

‘You saw what happened, Niall,’ said Harry. ‘That was not natural. This is magic. Dark magic, probably.’

‘Good God …’ Logan faltered.

To his companions’ stunned faces, Niall started jumping and laughing where he stood.

‘Hah!’ he cried in a delighted voice. ‘You really are that Teddy Baker person, aren’t you? “Harry Potter” – you cunning fellow! I don’t keep up with the media, but I’ve definitely seen your mug and your name together before. Wow! Superb! Spl–’

A splash filled the darkness.

‘Shit!’ Niall hissed. ‘Right into a puddle, the whole shoe drenched. But what do I care? Wow! Magic, eh? Who would have thought it? And my grandmother is a – now, don’t any of you dare call her that again – but if she is indeed a witch, then that’s absolutely splendid! The entire world just turned about twice as interesting!’

Harry grinned. ‘I remember that feeling. My name honestly is Harry Potter, though. But I’m – er – basically Teddy Baker. I think. There’s an interdimensional hiccough somewhere.’

‘Marvellous!’ Niall laughed. ‘Harry it is, then. A name as good as any!’

‘It is marvellous,’ said Logan, ‘but what good will it do if we’re unable to get out of here?’

‘You have a point,’ said Niall, tugging at his beard.

‘From recent experience,’ Harry said, ‘situations like this usually turn out pretty well. Any more of it, in fact, and my eyes’ll develop night vision. Everything goes dark, things look grim and then suddenly someone flicks the light back on. Ah, speak of the Boggart,’ he blurted, ‘there’s a faint light. See it?’

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