Citrus: Mei's Story vol. 4 - Wounded Heart

IV. Heart's Undeniable Truth

       "Hey, Mei...! Can I... kiss you?"
        With those words echoing in my ears, the similarities that I had been so focused on between Sara and Yuzu finally lost their impact. For the first time since we met, I didn't see Yuzu at all in Sara. And this Sara was a saint. She had known, for I don't even know how long, that today was going to be it for us. And instead of crying. Instead of refusing to come. Instead of yelling and screaming. Instead of trying to make me change my mind, she put on a mask of her normal self and tried to make sure we had fun. It struck me then why she had stopped us from going to see the movie. She could see that I actually was interested and didn't want me to lose my chance to enjoy it because I was so focused on my ulterior motives. I was stunned at her selflessness. She had chosen to come so she could find closure and let me go herself. Yuzu had already proven that she was not that good, nor was she as honest with herself. In that moment, Sara outshone the sun. And yet, I could not love her. How could I refuse her one last gift?
       "Alright."
      Just as I was about to lean in for a kiss, Sara let out a surprised and sympathetic giggle.
      "You don't really want to kiss me, do you?"
       I blinked in surprise and straightened but kept my head lowered in shame. She had known and this was a test which I could not pass.
       "It isn't what I want."
       All I want is to be with Yuzu, and to do that I have to say goodbye to you.
      "I think I'll still ask for it though."
       Her face was giving off such light and warmth despite her sorrowful smile, and so I knelt down just to make it as romantic a farewell as possible for this celestial woman. I closed my eyes and tilted my head so all she had to do was embrace me and complete the kiss. But then, I felt small delicate trembling hands take hold of the sides of my head and tilt it so I was almost looking straight down. I felt her lips lightly press into my forehead and drops of what had to be tears hit my hair as she held me close. Then a calm sweet voice whispered into my ear.
        "Yuzu is a lucky girl."
        The world went dead as my eyes flew open and I stared at Sara's beaming— and quite possibly holy— tear-stained face.
       "H-how?!"
       The world resumed and I felt time rush into me as my mind raced in search of something I missed.
       "After meeting and falling for you... I ended up leaving Nina with our schoolmates because she forgot to pick up the one thing we had meant to grab before leaving Tokyo. I got a little sidetracked at the store and that's where I bumped into Yuzu. Apparently I missed my train while shopping and she had arrived late herself. We found out we were headed to the same station and decided to just ride together."
       They met at the station?! Sara was the friend Yuzu told Taniguchi about?!
       She started giggling to herself. I couldn't stop staring at her in shock. After a while she sighed and continued while still smiling as though she was thinking about a joke.
      "We actually talked about you for most of our trip here, though neither of us realised it and she didn't say your name or her last name. She told me everything about how she has a crush on this amazing girl who unfortunately she's now technically step-sisters with and how things started getting serious on Christmas Eve but she got scared and thought she ruined it."
      "We're not step-sis—it's a complicated situa— wait she told you about what happened on Christmas Eve?!"
      Sara nodded once, but my mind was already moving forward.
      "So when I told you about my past... that's when..."
      "It was a big enough clue not to miss, but it was finding Yuzu's student ID book after her and I talked about you again in the bath that cleared everything up."
       She pulled out the object from her pocket once again and showed it to me. There on the first page was Yuzu's student information. Sara turned it back and began flipping through the pages before showing me another page. It was the image of Yuzu, Taniguchi, Himeko, and myself from the amusement park where the two of us were staring at each other.
      "This is my favourite picture this year. It just shows so clearly how in love you two are."
       "I'm sorry, Sara..."
       I got to my feet and she hugged me before I could bow.
       "Don't be. I really did have a wonderful day with you."
       I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her and she rested her head on my chest. I lowered my head to carefully rest on her hair.
       "I did too..."
      "Thank you for a beautiful rejection."
       I grimaced and tried to hold back tears, only to hear her click her tongue in disapproval.
       "No crying for me. Now... what's your plan?"
       "What?!"
       While still hugging we adjusted how we stood so we could look at each other as we spoke.
       "For making up and confessing. You're not the type to act impulsively too often."
       "I was going to wait here, I have some people who are supposed to point her in the right direction and inspire her to try to stop our date."
      Her face scrunched up as she considered my plan. It was as though she was squinting over a document to find an error.
      "You're planning on being the one to confess?"
      "I have to try again and make sure it's not blocked... like on Christmas Eve."
      The area went silent for a moment and then she pushed herself free from me and started pacing. It looked like she was in serious thought before suddenly she turned and shook her head.
      "It's flawed."
      "What?!"
       How is it flawed?! It's practically the end of almost every western romantic comedy!!
      "Your plan is flawed. It'll never work like this."
      "How do you know?"
      Have you seen the stuff she likes to read?! This fits right in there.
      "Because she's come to me a number of times already complaining how she keeps messing up and can't figure out what you actually want. And I keep encouraging her to keep trying. Now that I know it's you and see your plan, it's clear. This won't work like this."
       Was that why she seemed to become a little more proactive over this trip. I mean... it was twice yesterday and I'm used to her needing a few more hours between failed communication and her doing something shocking. As for the plan...
      "Why?! It's very romantic and like something from a shoujo romance."
      "Exactly... it's not Yuzu."
      And suddenly I understood. Despite her love of those hyper dramatic lesbian manga, Yuzu wasn't the typical girl. She just tried really hard to be. And that trying had led her to pretending to like boys and dress extra girly.
      Putting her in a situation where she would instantly recognise as typically romantic would just make her mind race about what she should do or how she should behave...
     "It is very me though, so I might steal it for next time."
     She laughed and then held up a finger.
     "First, go back to the love shrine. Particularly go to the paths. Wait for her there."
      What are you thinking about? How is there any different than here?!
      Full of hesitation, I nodded. She put up a second finger.
      "When you two see each other's eyes, turn around and make her chase you."
      "What?!"
      "Yuzu's a prince, right?!"
      "What are you talking about?"
      Why does everyone keep saying that?!
      "In a romance story there are many different pairings. You and I... we're both like princesses. That was obvious when I tried to see you in more masculine figure-hiding clothes."
       So that's why you kept choosing those outfits...
      "They don't suit you as well. Yuzu can make even her school uniform look accidental to the rest of her look, it always works but has a different feel to it than say... Nina in her uniform."
       Even though I didn't want to imagine it, I immediately thought of Yuzu and Nina swapping uniforms. While my brain also put both in poses that seemed to suit their personality. Yuzu looked dashing but I could have easily seen her in sailor pants and enjoyed it. Nina... looked like she was trying to flirt in a slightly small outfit she thought would go well with her bow. Meanwhile Sara continued.
       "Yuzu just is a prince. Every time I've talked to her about her crush, two things kept popping out to me. When talking to me she's brash and impulsive and confident, but in the situations... especially the romantic ones, she feels out of place."
       My mind suddenly was flooded with Yuzu at her most attractive. And then it clicked.
      "She needs to be daring. Acting without real consideration beyond accomplish this... she needs to not think about what's going on around her."
        "And so, you must get her to chase you so she's too distracted to worry about if you'll reject her. Now... I think it's time you go."
      She nodded towards the hall to the elevators. I looked back and then nodded my understanding.
       "Right... thank you, Sara..."
      I got three steps from the hallway when I heard her speak again.
       "I was wrong..."
       I stopped and turned back to look at her. She was looking out the windows to the city.
       "Wrong?"
       At my question, she tilted her head to look at me with a sorrowfully bittersweet smile.
       "I thought I was falling in love with you, but it's obvious now... I was simply drawn to the fact that the person you loved so much happened to resemble me in certain ways... I think we both just got a little confused with what that meant. I am happy I get to help, and that's why I was never going to win your heart. I'm not selfish in that way. And that's what you need. I hope someday I'll have someone who's willing to choose me first and fight for me, like she does for you."
        "I'm sorry."
        "Go... I'll make sure she doesn't keep you waiting too long."
        I didn't wait a second longer. I immediately got into the elevator and once it opened into the shopping centre, I headed for the entrance. About halfway, I thought I spotted Nina trying to intimidate someone but I couldn't see who past the girl's frame.
      Whoever they are, I'm sorry they have to deal with her like that. She's... intense.
      I put that out of my mind and called a taxi as I left the station. It was a long way to walk to get to the love shrine, and I wanted to conserve my energy for Sara's plan.