The Labyrinth of Life

ten

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"you put your arms around me
and i'm home"
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SHE WAKES up with a heavy head and a heavier heart, all wrapped up in the sheets, but the reason doesn't come to her immediately. Nothing about last night is clear to her.

She looks around her and finds thermometer, medicines, cloth dipped in water, and everything settled on the side table. Her eyes move to the other side and falls on him sleeping beside her, peacefully, his hand softly holding her wrist. A little smile takes over her lips as she starts admiring his features.

There isn't a possibility she'd ever get tired of it.

But her smile disappears as soon as it falls on his cheekbone and the bandaid stuck on it. Just like that, everything comes rushing.

~~~~~

She could feel someone trying to hold her, trying to say comforting words, trying to bring her back to sanity but she was far too gone. Her breakdown was far too gone.

She had no clue how it reached to that point. How she reached to this when she had practiced keeping her composure all too well. But now she had the slightest clue that it was getting worse.

Once there's a dam failure, there's no going back.

This man, standing right in front of her, suddenly took form of everything she hated. Everything she's been through. Everything she was forced to go through.

This was her chance, her mind told her. This was a chance to kill the demons she has been fighting all her life. And she took it.

She always played rough. Life taught her to.

She attacked ruthlessly but nothing came from the other side. They were playing defensive. Although it was too good, it wasn't satisfying. It was no fun. She provoked them, challenged them. Still nothing. It was like the other end wasn't trying to protect oneself but trying to protect her from herself.

It was frustrating.

It didn't feel like victory.

And that called for the final hit.

That was when it happened.

When she saw blood on his cheekbone, she realized her being a pro in combat sports meant nothing if she didn't follow the basics before using her skills. She should've taken her rings off. No, she shouldn't have done this. Any of this.

It was worse it was him.

She never wished to hurt him.

She never wished to hurt anyone, at least not physically. At least not to someone who doesn't deserve it. He doesn't.

She was not them.

But maybe she was and standing there, she felt nothing else. She has never been more disgusted of herself and also...terrified.

"I...I am...", Her head was spinning. Her steps were staggering.

Why was it so hard to apologize?

Maybe because asking for forgiveness would mean accepting.

She closed her eyes and took a sharp breath before looking at him. His face was blank but that wasn't unusual. His stance was stiff and that was a bit unsettling.

But like her, maybe he also tried to self-command himself before looking into her eyes.

She could never read those black eyes but they had gotten darker and it was clear.

Her past flashed in front of her eyes but she deserved it this time. She deserved what she thought was about to come.

When he took a step forward, she tried not to take one backwards.

'Face it, you brought this upon yourself', she whispered in her head.

They say expect the unexpected.

But do we, really?

Expecting the expected is less complicated.

So, when he didn't act on his infamous temper but engulfed her in a tight hug instead, hug which he oh so famously dislikes, she didn't know what was happening.

He didn't hit her back, that wasn't shocking. He would never touch a girl with that intention. That was one of his principles. Him sticking to that even in times like this made her respect him more.

But why wasn't he saying anything? His words would've been more than enough. Then, why?

Just then he did, "Shh! Calm down, I've got you", with the softest kiss on her crown.

Again, not something she had expected. Where was the fragile male ego when you needed it?

She thought her mental breakdown few minutes ago was worse but her emotional breakdown begged to differ. Because at exactly that moment, with exactly those words, she broke.

Crying would be an understatement, screaming would be an understatement, struggling would be an understatement. Her knees buckled and in no time, she was on the ground.

Although, she wasn't alone.

He didn't let go of her, he sank down with her.

He made no efforts to stop her, only held her tighter than before but also delicately. His hands rubbed her back up and down soothingly, sometimes his fingers brushed through her hair softly.

After what felt like hours, after her throat burned, after every part of hers gave up, she sobbed quietly and exhaustingly.

Slowly, she drifted off to sleep but before she could totally let go of reality, she remembered him whispering sweet nothings to her and also the fact that,

In his arms is the warmest she has ever been.