Half and Half

15

Unknown: Do you like the type of rock with screaming or mainly singing?

Aze: I don't listen to regular metal too often. I either listen to really heavy "screaming" metal... or really mellow indie/alternative.

**

Andrae's POV

I wrapped an arm around my girlfriend, pulling her closer to me.

That sounds nice.

"So, my niece is turning two tomorrow, and we're throwing a party, you wanna come over?" I asked, in hopes she would say yes.

She let out a sigh, thinking for a long time. After a long, comfortable silence, she said, "I actually don't know. I'll get back to you."

"Okay. You know, I never really got your number. Wanna give it to me?"

"I-I, don't know my number, and I left my phone at home, sorry." Sierra told me quickly.

I frowned, I swear, I saw it earlier. Is she trying to hide something? Or, am I seeing things?

"Oh. Okay, here's my number." I took my pen out from my pant pocket, reaching for her arm. I wrote my number on her forearm, clicking my pen and putting it away afterwards.

"I'm gonna kill you when I get skin cancer."

I kissed her cheek, "Correction, you only get skin cancer when you write multiple times. You write multiple times on your skin?"

She scoffed, "Whatever."

"You know you love me." I teased.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." I bit my lip. Shit. I know she didn't exactly say, 'I love you' and all that, but she didn't deny it.

"Hey Sierra?"

"Hm?" She muttered, taking my hand. She started tracing, a heart I think, on my hand with her finger.

I shivered, her touch setting my skin on fire. I tried not to notice it so much.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked.

She stopped tracing, folding her legs to her chest, holding onto them. "Me? I mean, I don't know. I mean, I guess. Its hard to explain. Have you ever been in love?"

I scratched the back of my neck, thinking about it. Have I? I mean, sometimes when I was with D.J, I'd find myself staring at him.

And feeling weird inside.

It was the same feeling I got when I was with Sierra. It feels like.. the feeling you get when you're on the drop of a roller coaster. You can't breathe. Your whole body goes numb, and you want to scream but you can't.

You want to scream, but you're so high up, it seems impossible to.

That's how I feel when I'm with either of them. I wonder sometimes, if I'm gay. But then, when I'm with Sierra, I know I'm not.

If I like Sierra so much, how can I be gay?

If I like her so much, why do I feel the same when I'm with D.J?

The snap of her fingers brought me back, "Andrae you okay?" Concern evident in her voice.

"Ye-yeah."

"So, have you?"

I sighed, "I mean, I really don't know either. When you love someone, you put them before you, right? I put a lot of people before me. So I guess, yeah, I have. I love my mom. My dad. Alex. I love a lot of people. But in love? Like, Romeo and Juliet kind of love? I don't know. Never before you." I blurted.

She froze. I bit my lip, pulling the bracelets up and down nervously on my arm. Shit, what'd I get myself into?

"I-I.. What did you say?" She breathed out.

I awkwardly turned away, "Nothing, never mind." I said quickly.

I looked up at the sky, the fireworks fading. The carnival started to close down, the rides slowing to a stop. All the bright lights started to dim, the carnival slowly fading into complete darkness, as people started to file out the Exit gate.

I looked at Sierra again, her eyes averted.

I sighed, "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, b-" I stopped talking at once, when she turned to look at me.

She was crying. Fuck, did I make her cry?

I stared at her, her eyes red and puffy. Tears falling, every now and then.

My heart clenched, and I found it hard to breath.

Fuck, I made her cry.

"Don't be. Just don't ever say it again. Don't say you do, if you don't. Even if you didn't say the three words, it still freaks me out. What do we even know about love? We're just teenagers, stupid teenagers who've only been together for two weeks."

Shit, I didn't know girls were this emotional. Shit shit shit.

Way to make things awkward Andrae.

Of course you'd make the girl cry.

"I'm sorry, but.. I think I do mean it. I know, I haven't known you for even more than a month, but I think I do. Every time I see you.. I'm not normal. I'm not Andrae anymore. I really like you. I know you won't believe it, but I think I love you." I ended. I felt confident.

Yeah, but around D.J you feel exactly the same.

**

"Do you think you can love more than one person?" I asked Samuel.

"I don't know. Like, love love? Like me and Andrea love?" His phone asked.

I nodded. "No, I don't believe so." His mono-toned phone responded.

I sighed, as I felt my heart drop. I'm not in love.

I just like two people at the same time.

"If I tell you this, will you promise not to tell anyone?" I started, not looking at Sam.

"Who would I tell?"

I rolled my eyes, my mood improving. He's still the sass queen. "I-I don't know where to start. I mean, so you know how I talk about Sierra?"

He nodded, staring at me.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, "I mean, I think I love her. When you're in love, you just know. But I feel the exact same way, with D.J."

He turned away, and I awkwardly turned back to the direction I was staring at earlier.

"How do you know it's love?"

"I've liked a lot of girls before Sam. But I've always.. had this feeling towards D.J. I try to brush it off, but it doesn't work all the time. And then I met Sierra. She's like, the walking girl version of D.J. I get that same feeling when I'm with either of them."

"Maybe, you're bi?"

I groaned. "But liking two different people at the same time? Liking them really really much, to the point where I can't tell if its love or not?"

He scrunched up his nose, "I don't know anymore." Sam typed on his phone.

I let out an exasperated sigh, "But honestly, it scares me how alike they are. They like the same bands, have the same birthday, look alike.."

"What if they're the same person?"

**

I know, this chapter sucked, so another one will be published soon.