Becoming Polin: A Bridgerton Novel (Colin x Penelope)

FOUR・Miss Featherington

Dearest reader,

The season's opening ball at Danbury House is anticipated to sprout several suitors, and flourish a few favorable courtships by night's end. This author has it on good authority that we shall be blessed with new gentleman seeking wives this season - titled farmers eager to harvest the beautiful crop London happily provides. One can only hope their tools of the trade are sharp and shining, for a single misstep shall leave him empty-handed, famished, and wanting.

I would be remiss not to address a rumor that reached my ears. Many in the ton worry this to be a dismal season regarding gossip and scandal. Fear not, dear reader, for I shall always be the first to expose any delectable, or rather, questionable matches within our mists. If you can count on anything in this world, it is that I will always find out the truth.

Lady Whistledown's Society Papers

6th of April, 1815

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Colin wandered back into the ornate hall at the Queen's palace, following closely behind his younger brother, Gregory, after a spontaneous trip outdoors. He had suggested the abrupt adventure after catching a glimpse of the Featherington family's arrival.

Penelope had been true to her word - he heard nary a peep since their last encounter. If he must admit, he was quite surprised. He half expected to receive her typical long-winded letter signed with perfect penmanship whilst on his summer travels. He found himself checking each stack of letters with vigor in the hope of spotting her name - only to be let down each time.

After frequent correspondence throughout his trip to Greece, Colin found the lack of interest unnerving. Even more so, it rubbed him the wrong way knowing he secretly longed for her attention. Sure, he received other letters from family members and a few from his old Eton buddies, but they paled in comparison.

Whenever Penelope wrote to him his spirits soared. For the life of him, he couldn't understand why - but she had always viewed him with the utmost regard. His memory plucked images of paper stock carrying scribbled praise accompanied by his name, causing the corners of his mouth to lift surreptitiously.

When the events involving her cousin, Miss Marina Thompson (now Lady Crane), had left him jaded, her letters reminded him of his worth. He was not a product of scandal, but instead a shining light in the vast darkness of the world. 

It was during that trip that Colin struck up a real conversation with himself - he looked inward and divined what had been lacking in his life. What had been the reason for his several journies abroad and the burning itch he thought marrying Marina could scratch? Finally, it dawned on him - halfway to Cyprus: He possessed no true purpose. What did Colin have to offer this world? He drew a blank when first considering the question. And then again on the second, third, and fourth time.

He wanted to make a name for himself; to be more than just another infamous Bridgerton brother. He wanted... no, that's not the right word. He ached to provide more than the superficial, more than merely a pleasing face or charming demeanor. 

Penelope saw greatness in him; so why shouldn't he? He desired with every fabric of his being for it to be true. And yet, by the time the Featherington Ball had come to pass, Colin had acted like the child he used to be instead of the man he thought he found in Greece. A man who was kind, compassionate, and true. The man she had seen in him, written to him.

He was frustrated. Under the surface, festering like an invisible wound. He would never admit it aloud, but he was on the precipice of giving up by season's end; only the promise of serenity in a distant land was enough to keep him sane.