Escape

Chapter Eleven

The glass shatters next to my head against the headboard. I tighten my eyes and pull the covers over my head. "I do everything for you!" He screams. I hear his footsteps reach the bed as he pulls the covers off of me. I look at him, trying to speak but I can't. I sit up and shuffle myself towards the wall the bed sits against. I tuck my knees into my chest, still trying to scream with no success. He looks at me with tears in his eyes, sadness mixed with anger. He grabs my wrist and tries to pull me towards him. I stiffen and try my best to pull myself away, but he's stronger. Much stronger. His grip is so tight my hand starts to turn white, then purple. I look into his eyes and his pupils have taken over, making his eyes look almost completely black. I struggle underneath his grip trying to pull myself free. "All I do is try to be better for you." He growls. "I love you. I need to show you that I love you." I shake my head; all I can do is cry. The harder I fight his grip the more painful it becomes.

"Stop!" I scream as I shoot up in bed. The word felt like vomit as it left my mouth. I look around into my apartment, lit by the sunrise outside. My heart is racing, and my face is drenched. I tuck my knees to my chest and begin to sob. When will these nightmares end? Will they ever?

As I sob into my knees with my hands wrapped around my legs, I smell Samuels cologne that lingers on the shirt I'm wearing. I touch my nose to my shoulder and breathe in the comforting scent. My breath begins to slow, as well as the tears. I look at the time on my phone and it's only 6:00 am. I'm on about 3 hours of terrible sleep, but I know there is no point in trying to go back sleep. I get up and walk into the bathroom.

I turn on the sink and splash ice cold water onto my face in an attempt to wake myself up and rinse the mix of sweat and tears off of my cheeks. I look into the mirror and notice the dark puffy circles forming under my eyes.

I throw my hair into a high bun and grab my running clothes from the top of the hamper. I really need to do laundry.

I step into the leggings and pull on my sports bra. I place my pajama pants on the hamper, and I go to do the same with my white shirt that I wore to bed, but I pause. I hold the white shirt in my hand for a moment before I bring it up to my face to inhale the cedar scent. I walk out of the bathroom, shirt in hand, and toss it onto the bed.

I grab my headphones and pop them into each ear and play my playlist of high-tempo songs for my run. I jog down the stairs of my apartment and head outside.

My feet are hitting the pavement. The weather is brisk and burns my lungs as I breath in and out. As my usual escape, my run is not offering the expected relief this morning, so I turn my music up even higher. As my mind still involuntarily plays the nightmare in my head over and over, I close my eyes and begin to run faster down the straight path. My eyes are closed for only a moment and when I open them, I'm brought to a halt. I'm only a few stores away from the coffeeshop when I see Samuel on the sidewalk looking over at me. He smiles and waves as I begin to walk in his direction.

"Um, good morning," he laughs, "Didn't expect to see you around this early. Especially after um," He clears his throat, "our late night." He shoves his hands into his pockets as his face flushes. I've noticed that he does this when he's nervous.

"Um, I didn't sleep well." I reply as I walk up to him, we're standing in front of the coffeeshop.

"Oh," he replies quizzically.

"What, uh, brings you here so early?" I ask in return.

"Um, I couldn't sleep either." He replies with a small smile.

Eager to change the subject I point to the coffeeshop, "Care to join me? It's kind of a post-run ritual I have." I smile and walk into the coffeeshop, Samuel nods and follows behind me.

I walk up and greet Noah with a nod and a smile. Noah looks at me, then to Samuel, then back at me. His eyes widen, along with his smile. I roll my eyes.

Noah clears his throat, "So, the usual?" He asks, and I nod.

"And for your, uh, friend?" He says with a devious smile as he looks at Samuel.

"I'll take an English Breakfast with a blueberry muffin." He goes to take out his wallet and I step in front of the counter.

I look back at Samuel, "Absolutely not." I say with a laugh. He smiles and runs his hand through his hair, rolling his eyes.

"Fine," he growls, "but just this once."

I lead him over to my usual spot, right by the window. I take a moment and stare out at the streets and admire the purple glow the sunrise brings.

"You must come here often." He clears his throat, "He knows your 'usual'?" he asks, but I can tell he's asking about something else.

"Um, yeah. That's Noah, I was at the pub with him and his girlfriend, Olivia, the night I saw you play." I explain, smiling, emphasizing 'girlfriend'.

His face softens, "Oh." And he smiles, "Sorry. I didn't recognize him."

I laugh as Noah brings us our orders and places them on the table. Noah glances over at me gives me a half-smile and as he turns back towards the coffee bar.

"So, why didn't you sleep well?" He asks as he sips his tea.

"Um, a nightmare." I look down at my food. I shift in my seat and break off a piece of my scone, popping it into my mouth.

"A bad one?" He asks as he looks at me through his hair cupping his hands around his hot mug.

I drop the second piece of scone I broke off back onto the plate and sit back in my chair, "Yeah," I sigh, "A bad one." I've suddenly lost my appetite.

He looks at me, sympathetically, "Want to talk about it?" His eyes are soft, and I hear the concern in his voice.

I force a smile and take a sip of my coffee, "No, not really." I reply softly.

"I'm sorry." He says as he looks down and breaks off a piece of his muffin.

"It's okay." I reply, "Running always helps clear my head." I shrug, "and I've been doing a lot of it lately."

He sits and glances between me and his coffee. As he looks at me, I remember the story he shared with me about Allison. He was so vulnerable and shared intimate details of the worst day of his life. He trusted me and trusted that I would pass no judgement. I take a deep breath in, knowing it's only fair to share parts of me. Small parts, but parts, nonetheless.

I clear my throat, "I have them once or twice a week." I offer, he eyes meet mine, waiting for me to continue, "and when I run, I feel like I can run from them. Although, today it was a little more difficult to outrun them." I take a sip of my coffee.

"I don't mean to be crass, but maybe that's why you keep having them. Because you're running from them. Instead of facing whatever it is that's..." he looks up at me and my face hardens, "Um, I'm sorry, it's really none of my business." He shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

I feel my mood change. And all I can think is, who the hell does he think he is. He has no idea what I have been through. Who is he to tell me I'm running from my problems? Is he saying I deserve to relive these nightmares over and over again? He knows nothing about me. I have no words. I can tell that he senses my mood change.

"Payton, I really am sorry. I didn't mean to—" he reaches out for my hand that's wrapped around my coffee.

"It's fine," I cut him off and move my hands to my lap. My mouth turns to a flat line and I honestly find it hard to even look at him. We sit in a very awkward silence for a moment. I feel a fire starting inside of me, and I can't sit here any longer. I look down, I've hardly touched my coffee or my scone, but I need to leave.

"Um, I should really go." I say as I stand. He stands with me.

"Please Payton, I'm really sorry. I had no right." He says and he grabs my wrist as I try to leave. The nightmare twists its way into my head, the vision of my hand turning purple plays in my mind. I jerk my arm out of his soft grip.

I look up at him, fighting back tears, "You're right, you didn't. You know nothing about me." I say sternly as I turn and walk towards the door. I hear him call my name as I put my headphone back into my ears and begin to run back to my apartment. I've never ran this fast in my life.