the archers war | kate bishop

running through my head

i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. her voice rang through my head repeatedly at a thousand miles.

i love you. i love you. i love you. the voice in the back of my head said repeatedly. the words ran through my head trying to go to my vocal chords to say.

i do love her. but i couldn't find myself to say it back. even if i did want to. and i so badly did want to.

we drove back to the apartment in silence, neither of us uttering a word. when i pulled into the garage she immediately went for the elevator leaving me in the car with a heavy heart.

when i made my way up to the doors i knocked lightly. seconds later, a very tired peter parker opened the door in a white shirt that read 'i survived my trip to nyc' and black briefs.

"hey. you mind if i stay here for the night?"

he looked at me confused but nodded as he opened the door wider for me to enter.

"you okay? why didn't you go back to your apartment with kate?"

"nothing, it's fine. you got an air mattress i can sleep on?"

"no, i don't. but you can take my bed and i'll take the couch?" he suggested as he gestured to the small bed on the wall.

"no, it's good. i'll take the couch." he nodded and went into his closet and handed me a blanket.

"if you need anything just wake me up."

he crawled back into bed and immediately fell back asleep. i laid on my back staring at the wall deep in thought when a much raspier voice than peter spoke.

"you love her, so why didn't you say it back? what's going on in that little head of yours, little barton?"

"what are you doing here? again? i really don't don't if you're just a figment of my imagination or i have a brain tumor that causes me to see things."

i looked over at natasha and she looked at me with a frown, "i have a brain tumor?"

"im really sorry, alexandria."

"great. the peak point of my life is going just great! don't ya think, auntie nat? jesus. this is so shit. all i really want to do right now is give you a hug. i miss the hugs you gave me."

she walked over to me and moved my feet from off the couch and sat down where my feet previously were.

"come here, darling."

i sat up slowly and placed my head on her chest and wrapping my arms around her waist, "you're real."

"yes, i am. that's what i've been trying to tell you."

"your heart is beating. you're actually breathing. and your skin isn't cold." i whispered as tears pooled my eyes.

"i know."

i stood up quickly and carefully trying not to wake peter, "i do love her nat. i really do. but i'm so scared."

"is that why you didn't say it back?"

"huh?"

"you didn't say those three words because you're scared of something happening to her like... like me. so you did the one thing you couldn't do to me, you pushed her away."

"yes. i did. i don't know why, but i did. i came back for her and then i'm leaving again? i shouldn't have come."

"alex?" peter groggily called out into the darkness.

"hey, sorry i didn't mean to wake you. i couldn't sleep."

"who are you talking to?"

i looked over at nat and she gave me a pointed look, "uh, no one. just counting sheep so i could go to sleep."

"oh, all right. goodnight.

"night, parker."

i waited a few seconds for his breathing to even out and soon he was knocked out once again. "i'm going out."

"where are you going, alex?"

"i need some air. there's just a lot for me to take in right now. you know, like my tumor? and, like, my love live. and you. my parents are staying with eli and ruby and i need them out of the city."

"a lot on your plate, huh?"

"there's a lot on my plate, auntie nat." i nodded and held the door open, ready to walk out but stopped halfway, "will you be here when i come back?"

"i'm sticking around until that tumor is gone, darling."

i smiled sadly at her, "i love you, nat."

"see, that wasn't so hard, was it? you couldn't just say that to kate? i'm kidding. i love you, too, kid."

when i closed peters door, i was met with a woman and two large men. my eyes widened as one wrapped his large arms around me and placing a white cloth on my mouth and nose.

"hello, alexandria barton. it's lovely to finally meet you, in law." she grinned at me as i tried to fight back.

in law?

she noticed the hint of confusion in my scared expression and said, "oh, pardon me. allow me to introduce myself. i'm susan bishop. kate's older sister."

my eyes began getting blurry and suddenly three versions of susan appeared. "take her to the trunk. we need her alive."

her voice was very, very familiar. i tried my best to regain my vision back, squinting and stumbling as they dragged me.

"don't worry, honey. i'm not gonna hurt you. i just want my company back."

i looked up and there she was. eleanor bishop, out of jail and standing in front of me. taking me against my will to god knows where.

eventually i got tired and blacked out. the last thought in my head was just on one person.

kate.