Diary/Vent book

August 4 2022

Yo okay so I haven't written in this for a while but now is a good time to do so.
So much shit has happened over the past week or so.

I started therapy! Yayyy... yeah it's not going to well. The sessions are every Tuesday and each are an hour long. An hour. Dude, I have to spend an hour holding back tears because crying in front of people is embarrassing. Why can't it be closer to ten minutes?

These therapy sessions are making me want to kill myself even more than I usually do, but am I gonna tell anyone that? No, of course not! My therapist seems like a nice person but my god do I hate her. Everything that I tell her is a lie. Two days ago she forced me to describe three things that I like about my appearance to her. I don't even have one thing, let alone three! The amount of shit that I spewed out was terrible

Moving on swiftly. School ended, which means that I will have no way to distract myself from anything anymore. It also means that I'm gonna fall back in to the routine of showering once a fortnight, not brushing my teeth ever and ghosting all of my friends. How fun.

My family can't afford to go on holiday this year, not that we've been able to for the past five years, so that's great too. We can barely afford food with all of the recent inflation and shit. Oh and I have three T-shirts for the boiling weather and two pairs of trousers. Can't afford much else. We are very well prepared for this 🤞

Now the even worse news. My mother thinks that she might have skin cancer. She's had this lump on her face for a month and it resembles cancer. She hasn't even gone to the fucking doctor yet, she's planning on going in a literal week.

I'm terrified that it might be cancer. I've never experienced a close family member having cancer before, nor have I had to deal with the loss of anybody. I wouldn't be surprised if she did have it though, she goes through a pack of cigarettes each day by herself. Smoking triples the chance of developing a certain type of skin cancer.

And lastly, I was shaking a yogurt drink today as you do and a stranger said "your future boyfriend will be happy". Tf is wrong with people.

So yes, thats been my week (even though half of these happened today), how's yours been so far?