Love Me Again |Ongoing|

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I am putting stuff aside so I can put them In boxes Luke is my little helper while Ava's is Leos I'm in my room while Leo is putting away Ava's stuff in her room.  I was also looking through boxes that were in my closet to see on what I'm gonna leave here or throw away. I came to a black box that was under shoe boxes and other stuff "So this is were you went." I say with a smile I open the box reveling lots of album books I thought I lost from high school to when my kids were born remembering some pages have CD's cause I have newer ones starting right after the newest one that came from this box to my kids first birthday till now. 

I still have recording of high school year but It hurt to much to watch. I open up the latest album from the box and flip it to the last page and garbed the CD I got up and walked to my bed placing the box on the bed. I went up to my TV and turned it on to DVD I placed the CD in the CD player I sat down waiting for it to start I picked up Luke placing him on my lap facing the TV then I heard my dad talking then my mom but still with a black screen until my mom came to view 

"Hurry and record stop shaking." My mom whispered yelled to my dad making me smile. Then I came to view my mom holding my hand "Look there Momma" I told Luke who already was looking "That is the day you and Ava were born." I say looking back up. "Alright Ma'am I'm going to need you to start pushing when I say 1.2.3 you push then I'll tell you to relax to catch your breath Okay?" My male doctor says getting a nod from me in the video.

 "Okay lets get started." He says for the past 10 minutes it was me screaming and the doctor saying 123 and stop "Come on baby come out for momma!" I yell out in pain. "I'm sorry for putting you through that all alone."  Leo says behind me "How long were you standing there? I didn't here you come in" I say with screaming in the background "10 minutes" he says siting next to me. "It's not your fault though you didn't know and I was not alone my mom and dad were there." I say with a smile. "I really wish I was there" Leo says softly.

"I know...I'm sorry." We continued watching it in silence now hearing crying "It's a boy born 1:58" the doctor says giving Luke to the nurses to check him. I look at Leo who is now crying "I couldn't see my baby boy and girl be born I'm the worst father in the world" he says. " Your here now that's all that matters now" I say laying my head on his shoulder. The nurses handing Luke to me with me crying "I'm sorry your daddy couldn't be here but I know he would have loved to" I say the nurse getting Luke back getting ready for me to push again. " I really would have" we watched Ava be born at 2:00 with me saying the same words I said to Luke.

Until it ended I looked at Leo "there's about 17 thick albums behind you since the first day of high school to what we saw now you can look through it since the kids are both asleep and you finished with the kids rooms they have number 1-17 in order on how they go" I say putting back the CD where I got it from in album 17. 

I went back to putting stuff in boxes and putting stuff aside to leave or throw away. It took everything that I know he won't have in his house like my clothes, underwear, everything I use for my body like lotion, perfume, makeup, the newest albums that were on my shelf 18-28, my kids stuff animals on the bed, shoes, stuff I've been working on, and that's it. I look at Leo with all the albums opened with pages open with pictures and CDs most of them were him and I. Some with Ross and Theo or just all four of use when we were out partying, sleep overs in the cars, out eating, Leo and Theo with marker on there faces, And another with us with maker on Ross and mines face, Leo and I's first date, our holidays together, Me being pregnant, ultrasound, each months baby bump, my co-works, when I open my brand when people were on my run way with my design.  Every page had a video it was like my personal vlog on my phone. And on the pages I always had something to say about the day. But on the baby albums I have words about Leo wishing he was there and tell him about the day that he missed on the kids like there first steps I had cameras all around the house trying not to miss it. 

"You can watch all the videos another day all the videos are 10 minutes long 20 minutes is max the only long one is when I was in labor" I told Leo. "Can't believe I missed all this to my Kids birth to there first word" He said. "I know you haven't seen it but the kids first word was dad I was a bit sad but I didn't blame them I always talked about you to them on what you were doing" I say with a smile he looked up and I see him the the verge of tears "Really?" 

"Yes." I say softly going down to hug him he pulls me over him hugs me around my waist and holds me tightly. "I'm sorry I wish I was there you know that right and if I do ever get you pregnant again I'll be there by your side I swear and Thank you one day I'll tell them what happened and I'll let them know how much I would have loved to be there" He says. "I know you will." I said now holding his face and leaving kisses on his cheek the side of his mouth and his tears.

It's been an hour and Leo Is asleep and I was closing all the albums and putting them with the others in the box. I went to check on the kids with boxes around the room with the stuff they needed including there toys.  I went to give them a kiss other foreheads and left. I went to my room brushed me teeth and got on the bed and garbed Leos arm and put it over me and I snuggled into his chest.

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Yawl better like this one anyways Love yawl hope you like this one.