OUR BROKEN BEGINNINGS

CHAPTER TWELVE

Embarrassment. Unrelenting embarrassment is what I felt the moment I opened my eyes. I had woken up screaming and then forced Emerson to stay with me. I had officially lost my damned mind. Where had my sense gone? It seemed that I had none when it came to the man I was married to.

I walked to the kitchen, wearing a pair of navy leggings and a cream-colored yoga shirt. There was a plate with two pieces of avocado toast waiting on the counter with a note propped up on a cup of orange juice. My name was scrawled on the front. I flipped over the small square of thick paper and read the message.

Good Morning,

Please eat. I'll be exercising outside.

Em.

No matter how hard I fought against it, a smile spread on my face. What a mother hen. His avocado toast was amazing, so I didn't need to be asked twice. The feeling that my mother would come around the corner nagged at me the entire time I ate my breakfast. She would come to punish me for nourishing my body the way she had been doing all those years. My home had been tarnished by her presence, and I didn't know how to get past it.

Once I finished, I washed both my dishes and placed them on the rack. The sun was already bright in the sky, the latter full of white thick clouds that created shapes in the vast blue. A memory surfaced of Charlotte and I running around outside when we were children, pretending to be birds in the great wild. Our arms flapping and the wind pushing us forward. We used to pretend we could jump on the clouds. I knew to her it was a little kid's imagination playing a simple game, but to me, it was an escape. A dream where I could run far away to a city in the clouds, take my father with me and find my perfect family. A mom who loved me.

I missed Charlotte. We hadn't seen each other since the wedding, and although we had spoken, a few phone calls wouldn't do.

I ran back to my room to put my black tennis shoes on, and then came back to the family room, opening the french doors to the balcony. The breeze instantly hit me. I breathed in the fresh air and then sighed it all out. The feel of the cool air expanding my lungs would always be one of my favorite things. My steps were light as I walked out a screened door, to the left of me, and down the steps to the concrete landing. The water sparkled in the sun. It was too early in the year for the pool, but the jacuzzi above it seemed like a brilliant idea after a long day at work. In two or three months, it would be warm enough for swimming in that beautiful pool.

There was an extension to the house underneath the balcony. It was made of brick and had a light brown wooden door. I could hear music coming from inside, so I walked to it. Opening the door, every thought vanished from my mind.

Emerson was shirtless and glistening in sweat. He was leaning over with his head down and lifting the weights up. His arms extended out and then came back in. The muscles on his back moved, and I couldn't have torn my eyes away even if I had wanted to. They were glued to him. His back. His arms. His long legs.

The fact that I was ogling at him caused me to avert my eyes and clear my throat. I wasn't sure how he heard me over the music, but his head shot up. His face was slightly red, and he was panting heavily. He put the weights down and strolled to the speakers to put the music down. There were all sorts of equipment. Benches and ellipticals. Everything essential to have a gym.

"Good morning," he said, still panting.

I smiled and held my hands together in front of me. "Good morning. I'm sorry to interrupt."

"No need for apologies. Everything okay?"

I nodded and took a step forward. "Yes, everything is fine. I wanted to say that I'm sorry for last night. I was feeling a lot of emotions all at once and didn't know how to handle them all. I shouldn't have—," I let out an exasperated breath, not knowing the correct words, "I'm not sure what else I'm trying to say, except that I'm sorry."